Biggest Bang for the Buck ...

Once the core of your selfishness has been released to Christ to have Him change it, the question becomes what next? Outside of teaching you to serve others rather than to serve yourself which is going to positively impact your life beyond anything you may imagine to date; I believe the next area to focus on is our relationships. The most important relationship to focus on first is our marriages which should also cover the dating process. This would be followed by our parental relationships, then our families, friendships, and work place associations. When you consider that nothing of value in this world will transcend into the next one except your relationships, it seems to make sense we focus a bit here first.

To quote George Lucas … “You must unlearn what you have learned.” [Yoda, Star Wars Episode 5] This has never been more true than in the interactions and social relationships people have with each other. It begins with recognizing the true value of the individual. You are unique. You were created with a specific purpose in mind by a God who praises infinite variety. Your purpose may have many layers – something for this world, for the place in which you work, in your home life, and in the next Kingdom God as designed. But your purpose is unique to you, not just now but for all time. Therefore the loss of you, is a loss to the entire universe, and for all time. It does not mean that God’s plans will not go forward, they will. But your role will never quite be duplicated within them. You remain unique.

When you understand that each soul has a special purpose as ordained by God, then you begin to appreciate just how precious each life is. When looking to first form relationships with others, it is important to begin by understanding that this person you intend to interact with, has an equally important role in God’s work, is equally loved by God, and is equally critical to the family of God as yourself. Just as God compared our body to His church, so people can have radically different perspectives, talents, skills, and abilities – and NONE are any less important than another. Your eye and your ear for example share little, but you could not exist as well without each of them. They are both precious despite their seeming to have nothing in common with each other except improving your own life.

Respecting differences then is the first step towards having successful social interactions. Often men in relationships will dismiss differences with a potential dating partner or spouse as unimportant. But these differences make up the person you are interested in. They are in fact important, because without them, the object of your intentions would not be who you are drawn to. Women conversely dismiss differences as if on a checklist of “things to change” once they settle down with this man. Enlightened women understand there is no Mr. Right, or perhaps Mr. Perfect, but falsely believe he can still be built from Mr. Right Here and Right Now. He cannot. Perfection is not built by the nagging or encouragement of a woman, nor can Perfection be defined by one. Perfection begins once the will is submitted to Christ, and only then does one have anything to offer in a relationship with another.

Having learned to accept the differences we encounter with each other, we must begin to redefine what Love means in a relationship. Valuing another human being means they cannot be treated as mere objects, or possessions. Evil has fostered the idea that another person can be a mere plaything. You can trifle with someone’s emotions in order to get from the relationship whatever it is that you want. This objectification of the human species tears our value down from its core. If allowed to infect our thinking, it keeps us from ever understanding what true intimacy means and has to offer us. It makes us willing tools in the destruction of ourselves and of others. And it makes us wholly unfit to have or maintain any meaningful relationships with nearly anyone. People can simply not be treated like packages on the shelf at Walmart.

To love someone, is to give to someone. It is to act in that person’s interests above your own. It is to find joy in the giving, not in the taking. It is to care about the needs, interests, feelings, and well being of someone else ahead of every other competing desire of your own. When you love someone, you want that person to be happy. You will spend every waking minute trying to figure out new ways of making that person happy. And in so doing, you will find the greatest of contentment you have ever experienced. This is how our God loves us. This is what our God does for us. If our God is love, then this is what the example of our God and of love is to us. Not mere words, not mere feelings, not mere hormonal attractions that can fade with age – but daily meaning actions that demonstrate the desires of the heart.

Some have said that love is pain. This is untrue. It is the lack of love that brings pain. It is the rejection of love that causes heartache and suffering. But the embracing of love as a freewill choice between two people can bring more happiness than ever dreamed possible. Why two people? - Because it is nearly exhausting to respect the differences in another, and to try to find ways of making them happy in an imperfect world. Achieving unity with just one other person can be a life’s work. To add a third party to the unity quest is to make it virtually impossible to find. Our differences are vast, and the effort it takes to respect them, and perhaps even to embrace them, is no small self-sacrifice. But the level of intimacy that can be achieved can be life altering. And though love rejected can feel like a sharp stick through the heart, it can also reveal the true nature of what we call love for another. For if we truly love someone else, we would desire their happiness above our own, even if it means we will not be the one to make them happy. This may be a painful acknowledgement, but it means we know what love is, and someone else will one day be the beneficiary of this knowledge. We can only hope as much for those we wish well as they depart from us.

With these prerequisites in mind we are ready to discuss dating …