Widows & Orphans ...

The keenest loss in human history is felt when a marital partner of many years succumbs to the death we all dread. We were not designed for such an occurrence. It is the pure cause and effect of sin, a byproduct of evil itself, that death or non-existence must enter our realm. We were created with the idea of living in perfection forever. Our marriages were intended to last forever. Thus a union of three should never be taken lightly. The phrase “until death” is a recognition of our earthly condition, and the weakness of our loneliness upon losing a beloved spouse. It was not ever intended in the schema of heaven or perfection. Adam and Eve our original parents will one day be united in heaven to live for eternity as husband and wife. There is no reason for them to live otherwise.

What is permitted for us due to our weakened condition in sin, and the horrific environment of evil we reside in, is not necessarily what was intended for us in the light of perfection. For instance, evil brings death upon us, and there are those who are truly emotionally unable to continue the remainder of their lives alone. They need, crave, and must have companionship. So the idea of remarriage is permitted to satisfy this basic human need. It is only even considered because of the effects of evil, but because evil is part of our reality, so is death, and therefore remarriage. Evil can cause divorce as well, we will focus on that idea in a later section. For those who require a remarriage after the loss of a spouse there is neither condemnation nor judgment. But there should be a recognition that healing will be required in the world to come. Marriages remain based on the idea of 2 people and Christ uniting as one. Should a husband or wife encounter two or more former partners upon entering heaven, it will take our Lord to alter the feelings of our hearts as He sees fit to enable us to continue to live in harmony there without pain or regret or jealousy.

I believe some couples may be reunited, some redirected, some perhaps allowed to be single, there is no one answer for every person. However, the one consistent item among all those who enter heaven with cloudy prospects or commitments with multiple partners is that a healing solution from Christ will be the only way to sort out what must be sorted. Those who enter single may still find a mate, and will have the added blessing of not having to consider widowhood or divorce. Unions aligned in the perfection of heaven will remain so as it was originally intended, forever and ever, amen.

It is particularly difficult to lose a part of yourself. When facing the loss of a beloved partner, particularly when the wills have been submitted to God, and the marital relationship is richly blessed with His favor, it can be emotionally debilitating. The surviving spouse is deeply weakened by the loss. It is not for doubt of the eternal status of the missing partner. They may have every assurance that our God is faithful to save His children from their well deserved fates. The survivor may KNOW with certainty that upon the morning of resurrection their fallen spouse will rise to greet our savior face to face, and spend eternity in the perfection of heaven. This knowledge is comforting, but may not be enough to heal the keen loss that is felt in the mean time between now and that day. Widows therefore should be considered a “protected class” within the church (our community of believers).

It is our responsibility to lend aid, comfort, and love to those who have lost so precious a resource. It is our honor to help protect them from the wolves-of-the-world who would use their weakened condition to prey upon them. The sudden loss of intimacy can devastate the human soul. Again it is the reason why having Christ in the marriage is so utterly important. Only He will fully understand the loss that has been incurred. Only He has been privy to the private moments and shared experiences of the couple now parted for a while by death. Only He can offer real comfort, but only if we have learned to allow Him access to our marriages while still within them. There is great healing that Christ can offer us, when we know we can trust Him to do so. We can take comfort under His wing. We can rest and let Him do the work of protecting the survivor, and comforting those that remain after the fallen. As brothers and sisters of the widows and orphans we should take extra special care in how we deal with them.

In older less developed days, society was unkind to surviving women after their husbands passed away. Without a male provider, a female may even be left to starve. Property rights were not well developed, nor did they reflect the intentions of fairness God would have required. Selfish men made selfish laws, and as such women suffered greatly. Under this time of great duress the church was given special instructions NOT to ignore the plight of widows or orphans. Second only to the keen loss a spouse feels, is the loss a child feels upon losing a parent. Even fully grown mature adults, mourn the loss of aged parents, it is something none of us truly outgrow, prepared or not. And the closer a parent is to the source of Infinite love, the keener the loss felt by those who remain. As church family, we must remain on guard to go beyond what is expected, beyond the normal, beyond even what we may believe we are capable of, and reach out to these precious hurting souls. While we can never replace the love they have lost, we can do our best to shower our love upon them. At the very least, the hurting can know from our demonstrations, they are truly NOT alone. Christ remains with them. And as His servants, we remain at their side as well.

For those who have suffered this loss and wish to try again with another spouse, it is important to allow enough time to pass by so that not every waking thought is consumed by the lost love. That spouse can never be replaced so the goals in finding another should not be so. As each of us is unique, each relationship will be unique as well. Your loss may one day be erased in the comfort of another person, but cannot be duplicated, nor should that ever be the expectation. The valuation of people, and dating practices we have already described must be re-employed to find another mate to join the precious union of three. Love is resilient in this way. Love is healing in this way. And one day, love will be resolved as only Christ could resolve it. We can have faith and trust in Him in matters that transcend the boundaries of our lifetimes. This is the point of faith itself.