I think the basic reason we ask why is that we know just how
BIG our God really is. Given how
incredible He can be; and how much power He really has; we wonder why He would
not just immediately over-rule the horror in our lives. It seems at least reasonable that He would
block the pain that can come, or greatly reduce it. Recently, I went through a very trying 2 week
period passing not one, but two kidney stones 3mm each (about the size of a
peppercorn or BB-gun ammo). Those of you
who have had one of these know how excruciating the pain can be while this
little trinket works its way through corridors in your body where no foreign substance
was ever meant to travel. Women have
compared it with the pain of child birth.
I wish I could say this was my first encounter with a kidney stone, but
I had one before about 3-4 years ago.
When the first wave of pain hit my left side, I knew immediately
what the cause was. My mind instantly
recalled the ordeal I went through the first time getting one of these little
devils out of my system. My second
thought was not now, not here, not like this.
Then I’m praying - Lord, you and I both know what this is, and we also
both know You could kill it for me, could you please ? … But the next wave of
pain came anyway. After a night in the
ER the first stone passed. A few days
later, the pain was back. Was it just
residual from the first one maybe, it couldn’t possibly be another one, could
it? Yup.
A third trip to the ER and a second Cat-Scan and there we go, yet
another 3mm stone on its way out of Dodge.
So not only did God not fix my first one, or my second, here came number
three. Does this mean God does not
exist? Far from it, I KNOW He does. That leaves the question, why does He not
overrule nature, pollution, or my defective body and kill this thing for me?
Herein is where those with less faith begin to doubt the
existence of God. How could He be out
there and permit all this pain. If He
can fix it, why would He not? I mean in
my case at least, He knows me. I know
Him. So what’s up with all the
pain? It gets worse. A few times the mixture of drugs and pain
lead me to wonder if it may also be my heart giving out during one of these
episodes. If that happened I could
die. Getting up off the pot to find an
entire bowl of butt blood gives you no small pause after this kind of
ugliness. Could it be cancer as
well? Could I be on my way out, and if
so, am I on the superhighway, or taking the slow road. Either way, it looks uphill. And still God could heal me, no doubts. The doubts come as to whether He will or not.
So what is the lesson for me in all this pain? A good question I venture. I might also ask why my friend Dennis who
works tirelessly for our church just passed his 5th or 6th
stone. I might also ask why my pastor
just passed his 4th or 5th stone. I might wonder why our head elder battles
prostate cancer. Are we doing something
wrong? Are we somehow making bad choices
in our diets, or lives that lead to these consequences, or is this all just bad
dumb luck? Looks like most of the other
spiritual leaders in my inner circle suffer the same problems. Is it our collective lack of faith that
somehow prevents God from just curing us all outright?
But then I think to myself, this lesson is a lot like
learning about the effects of sin. God
could immediately rescue me from all future sin and spare me from it. But then, how would I truly know how much it
hurts. How would I know how much damage
it does unless I am permitted to experience some of its effects. Were I allowed to experience ALL of sin’s
effects, I would die. Much like my
health issues of late, I could have died, but didn’t. I got to feel the pain, and realize how much
we REALLY need God, and how wonderful Heaven will be just to have the absence
of pain. In short, I know what it means to
hurt. There are others who have learned
even more than me, there always will be.
But that does not deny my own lesson.
If I live or die from health issues or any other cause, is to a large
extent not in my control. But then, it
was out of my control when I felt no pain at all. Control is something I do NOT get to have.
So how do I live? If
doomed to walk an uphill path, is there any way out? Do you think the poor guy who just became a
quadriplegic has a choice? Do you think
the veteran who lost a limb is happy to live the rest of his life in that
condition? No one gets to choose, or
everyone would only take the cakewalk.
Struggle is never the preferred way of living, it is foisted upon us, by
an imperfect world. God allows it. It is beyond our comprehension why, because
we can’t ever imagine choosing to live with pain of any kind. We want the easy, the painless, the
struggle-free existence – but sin completely prevents this from occurring right
now. God does not serve only as a
fire-escape from our pain. He is forced
to work with us while we struggle. He
helps us see the effects of the choices we make, on ourselves, on our world,
even what it cost Him.
There was however, one who chose to live suffering. He chose a life uncertain of his outcome, not
sure if the level of sacrifice on the cross would be enough to cover the sins
of humanity. What if the weight of sin
was so profoundly offensive to a perfect father God that once having borne our
iniquity Christ must remain forever separate from His Father? The plan of our salvation bore a level of
risk. Along with a life of constant
struggle, and self denial (never using his divine nature to escape personal
pain, or avoid tribulation) – Christ must face death not knowing if the
temporary separation from His Father that broke His heart on Calvary might wind
up being a permanent condition. Yet He persevered. So great was Christ’s love for His creation,
that he took this unprecedented risk, after a life that literally included
torture and a most cruel death. He chose
to leave the cakewalk of Heaven and live life on earth, poor, and under
constant attack from the evil one. He
chose this. He had alternatives, but
chose to live this way.
Who am I to complain about any meager pain I might
endure? Drugs dull my pain, there was
nothing to dull His. I may die, but
because of Him, I have hope to live again in perfection. My sleep of death will be brief. My years of suffering here on earth pale in
comparison to the permanent reward He offers.
The quadriplegic will walk again, and run, and feel, and do it for an
eternity. The struggles will not endure
– but the peace will. I hope to live
long enough to be of service to God, and when my time comes to pass from this
world – it is my service I hope to be remembered for. Basically I am a wimp. I would choose my whole life to avoid all
pain, and live in relative comfort. I
may not get this choice, but I praise God, that He loves me in my
suffering. That He remains right by my
side when I hurt. That He aches to heal
me, but must sometimes permit me to see the meaning of pain. I praise God that He was far from the wimp I
am. I praise God that His choice to
suffer this way and worse, buys my freedom and end to all pain. I praise God …
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