No it did not mean I am Benjamin Bratt, or the hero of the
story. Maybe I could be, but I guess I
have chosen not to be so far. No, I was
the other character in the first episode.
The well meaning, normally dependable side kick, another ‘reformed’ addict
who at the end of the first show – dies of an overdose after getting bad news
from his estranged family. That
character had earned his estrangement.
He thought his reform would undo the damage he had done prior to
it. He thought he was past any lure of
old habits. He was working with the good
guys, on the right team. But he was
dead, from a self-inflicted overdose when he realized the damage he had caused
he could not undo.
I have never been a heroin addict. Not sure I have ever even worked on the good
guys team. But I was completely
slaughtered watching this story unfold.
It was me. Not because the facts
of our stories are alike, but the NEED is identical. Not the need for drugs, escape, or even
forgiveness – we do share those in principle – but the NEED of a savior. The NEED to be free from the pain we surround
ourselves in. And just like the
character in this story, it once again hit me square in the face – I am poor, I
am blind, and I am naked.
There was a church of people who lived in the early
Christian era, in fact seven different churches, all with unique attributes –
both strengths and weaknesses. The
seventh one was Laodicea. John wrote to
them all, counseling them where they were weak.
The last one, looks remarkably like the condition we find within the
Christian community today. We think of
ourselves as wealthy, and in need of nothing.
But our true condition, is poor, blind, and naked.
We are poor, not in material wealth, though many struggle
with this. Our poverty is in the power
of our prayers, the meager amount of faith we show, and how little of God’s
spirit we allow to live through us. In
this we are desperately poor. How often
does the Bible tell stories of people who did something first, believing that
God would bless them. Abraham was not
given a road map and tourism flyer of a new country. He left home first, wandering, through very
rough terrain before he came to rest as God promised. The prophet Elijah was fed by a woman who was
sitting down to her last meal on earth, destined to face starvation. Instead she gave up ALL she had literally
insuring an even earlier painful death, and God acted afterwards filling her
oil and meal for years. Yet our position
is to wait for God to act first, before we do anything. We wait for healing before we pray for
it. We wait for money, before we spend
it on missions and outreach and serving our communities. We risk nothing, and have the meager faith
and results to prove it.
We are blind, though not because our eyes do not see. Our blindness is to the NEED we ALL have of a
savior from the pain we try to ignore in our lives. Our vain attempts to fill the void of
loneliness, ambition, or greed are never fully satisfied. We look in the wrong places, to find the
wrong things, always ignoring the plain simple truths of love and service to
others. We fail to see our poverty. We fail to see how mediocre we have
become. How sedate we are in the
church. How our entire spiritual
experience is nothing more than lukewarm at best. We buy in to what the media tells us we should
think is important without question. We
accept corporate whitewashed news as fact.
We are influenced by popular culture and seemingly immune to the call of
a still small voice. We are immersed in
the blackness of evil. This shroud keeps
us comfortable in our darkness, and tries to mask our desperate NEED.
We are naked, again not from lack of clothing. Our nudity is the lack of spiritual focus,
preparation, and repentence of sin. We
refuse to acknowledge the consequences of our actions. Like the reformed junkie in the show I
watched, we think our new found reformation will undo any damage we have done,
but it does not. Sometimes our errors
carry permanent consequences. And every
time we fall, we must ask for forgiveness from the only one who can truly give
it. But even more important, we must
learn to accept the forgiveness He offers.
The junkie lost sight of the value of his future, as he was shrouded in
the darkness of his past. Just like him,
I am an addict to the sins I commit.
Just like any reformed addict I need daily outside help from the only
one who can give it. Just like him, I
need to accept this help, lean on it, use it, and make it mine. And just like him, if I cannot begin to let
the forgiveness I am offered allow my mind to move forward to what is possible
– I will be sucked into looking at the past, focusing on my failures, until I
lose all hope and die.
I watched the news this week from CNN. Inflation jumping 5% in a month; 30,000 auto
workers laid off from all 3 major car companies; Salmonella poisoning in our
food supply with no ability to trace it, or isolate it; Gas prices at an all
time high, with major recessions pending.
Maybe if we get hit enough in the face with bad news after bad news, it
will begin to lift the self-imposed darkness we surround ourselves in and help
us finally see our NEED. But for those
who are untouched by these events, for the folks who eat tomatoes without
consequences, work at a good job and have enough to pay the bills, can easily
fill their tanks with gas – your NEED is even greater. Our NEED is not based on our affluence. The first trait of any modern Laodicean is
their pride in their wealth, and their belief they have need of nothing.
But our God and our Creator says differently. He counsels us to buy of Him Gold tried in
the fire, white raiment to cover our shame, and medicine to apply to our
stunted eyes so that we may see again.
In short he asks us to have faith in Him, to trust Him, and to walk with
Him through the hard times on our doorsteps – no matter what the outcome. Like fire purifies Gold, so trouble and
persecution refines our faith. The white
clothing He asks us to take is the forgiveness that covers what is behind, and
frees us to look ahead. The medicine for
our eyes, is the awakening of the still small voice within us. It is lighting a candle in our darkness that
explodes into the light of the noon day sun.
It is the Spirit of God that provides the clarity we need to see our
condition. Not just to decry how bad a
state we are in, but to reform and change and become the new creature God
intends for us to be.
Awakening the Spirit of God in our lives will strengthen our
prayers and add power to our requests.
It will remove the doubts we relish, and replace it with boldness. It will remind us we are nothing of ourselves
and that God is everything. It is to God
we forward the glory, the credit, and the honor. We were not meant to see, to merely point out
our condition, but to see how to fix it.
Recognizing the NEED we share for a savior is the first step in actually
being saved.
As for me, I don’t look good naked. My eyes are bad enough. And I have no wealth of any meaning. I wish my time in this Laodicean church
culture to be at an end. I want to be a
truly reformed addict. I want to see the
sin in my life leave once and for all time.
I wish to be renewed in the Spirit and power and mercy of our God. I repent Lord. I want those things you offer. Let it be with me as You have said in Your
word …
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