Friends & Enemies ...

Who do you call friend? How is your friendship defined? Is it based on common values, shared experiences, proximity, or growing pains? How long does it take you to make a friend? I am sometimes humbled by watching small children on a playground. They meet, they speak, and they being playing together immediately assuming there is friendship between them. It takes an abuse of the assumption to change the minds of smaller children. If no such abuse takes place, the friendship is confirmed. The older we become, it seems the longer it takes to move the status of someone we associate with, to the category of friend. We categorize people in many ways such as: acquaintance, fellow employee or co-worker, boss, current client, sales prospect, customer, guest, classmate, church member, family member, friend-of-a-friend, person of interest, date, fiancée ,,, there are many you can name; but few imply friendship. Why?

A true friend puts no demands upon us, so you would think we would aspire to have many of them, not less. You would think we would be working to include almost everyone we encounter in a positive way as part of our friendship lists. Instead, sin or evil has put a crimp in our ability to trust. We tend to be more reserved and cautious when making new friends. We have to assess what the reason for the friendship might be from the other person’s perspective. All of this thinking is practical. It is based on our real world experiences. It is based on the number of times we have been hurt by those we thought to be our friends. And as usual, it is limited thinking that due to Christ and our submission to Him, we are free to move beyond.

How does submitting the will to Christ allow us to make more friends, and take more risks, you ask? First, it teaches us a proper reliance on Christ alone for our emotional needs. It helps to center where we look for reassurance, guidance and even comfort to one who will never let us down. Knowing we can trust Christ 100% of the time, gives us an emotional foundation from which to approach the world and each other. Second, allowing Christ control over our day, our decisions, and our likes and dislikes gives Him the freedom to lead us to who He wants us to encounter. Our interactions with others then become anything but random. If Christ leads us to someone, it may be for us to meet that person’s need, or perhaps for them to meet ours. But we can have confidence that there is a purpose for it. As our faith and trust increases in Christ, our ability to love others deepens and becomes more immediate. We begin leaving the worries with Christ, and start enjoying the freedoms this provides in our day-to-day relationships with those we encounter.

In addition, as our emotional reliance becomes more intimately involved with Christ and as we get to know Him better one-on-one, we begin to have more to offer in a friendship with others. We are less “needy” ourselves, and more suited to “give” in a relationship. This makes us more attractive as a potential friend to those we encounter. As Christ has served us, we are able then to appreciate what He has done for us, and are inspired to share His work for others around us. We are equipped better to offer an encouraging word, take time to notice the achievements or efforts of others, and offer appreciation to those who rarely receive it. In short, our submission to Christ, makes us a better friend to have. It also changes the nature of our enemies.

Know someone who is out to get you? Perhaps a current or former colleague who would spare no expense to see you fail? The friction could have started from jealousy, or perhaps a perceived insult, maybe from real damage inflicted in action – but somewhere, somehow, you developed an enemy. Sometimes those we disagree with politically or religiously we think of as our enemies. But rarely do people who merely disagree with us, take the time and invest the energy required to do us actual harm. A real enemy does not mind investing either in our demise. It is human nature to believe we do not deserve to have an enemy. It is within us to blame the enemy for the source and status of any conflict. We may have made overtures in the past to resolve the conflict peaceably. We may have offered an apology even when we did not believe we were in the wrong. And still our enemy is undeterred. What now?

There is a truism about divorce, in that it takes two to complete one. Even though the fault may seem completely one-sided, and all external appearances may support this view – it is just never that simple. Ignorance, omission, and negligence can play as vital a role in why we develop an enemy as malice, or direct action might. We may have spoken our passionately held opinion in the presence of someone who held equally passionate and opposite views. We may have shared our negative feelings about someone and used improper language, which by the time it returns to the person we were talking about, is made even worse through exaggeration. We are sometimes ignorant of the damage a careless word can cause, and sometimes, in so doing, our enemies feel justified in their feelings towards us. It is nearly impossible to maintain an enemy without active participation on your part.

What does submission to Christ do to change our enemies you ask? It begins by changing us. Through bowing our pride to Christ, we allow Him to lead us to truth. Sometimes the Truth is unpleasant to us as He reveals our part in the creation of our enemies, but it is still His truth. And the revelation may be needed before we understand why our apologies may be needed, and why they should be sincere. When we realize the damage we may have caused our enemy, it melts our own hearts. Sympathy is then possible for someone who as yet may still hate us. Knowing we may have erred, allows us to approach our enemy in humility. We may have to endure insult, anger, and resistance as we approach as this is the conditioned responses one gives to an enemy. But part of our submission to Christ has enabled us to look beyond the pain that drives bad behavior, to the need we all have of love. Through Christ we are able then to obey His council and finally and truly LOVE our enemies.

Love is a hard thing to resist. Trading anger for calm responses, trading wicked lashing out, for considered sympathetic responses – these are hallmarks of a submitted will to our Master. Through His strength our human weakness can go the extra mile, and emulate the behavior of Christ as He used to approach us. For have we not all treated the Savior harshly when engaged in our wickedness? Have we not all barked at Him to get away and leave us in “peace” while we sin? Yet He endures our cruelty and continues to offer us His love. When we yield to Him, we become like Him. We start thinking less about getting even and more about making it right with those we have wronged, including our enemies. We begin to remember that ALL men are our brothers in Christ. We are reminded that our current earthly enemy may well be our closest neighbor on the golden streets without name. And we are humbled and astounded at our ability to entertain negativity. Christ frees us from this. He frees us from the weight of carrying hurt and pain for another. Our burdens are lifted away forever.

Now we are free to work towards the redemption of our enemy. And consistent, constant love is a hard thing to resist. As we reflect His love through us to those who need it, the hearts of our enemies will be touched by His Spirit, and melted by His love reflected through our hands, mouth, and ears. One who may have in the past called himself our greatest foe, can become our closest ally, as Saul was transformed to Paul, by the power of the LOVE of Christ on a country road. Our enemies may resist love for a while, as we did in resisting our Savior, but LOVE remains a hard thing to resist. Over time everyone is instinctively drawn to love. It is in this that our image of God is defined. We are creations of love, and recognize it, and long for it, and deeply need it – every one of us. It is through love, that enemies become friends. It is through love that friends become a precious commodity. For as we alter our thinking, we begin to realize the truth of fulfillment in service. This yields a bright contrasting alternative to the lies we have been told of self-gratification. As a friend who serves, we are fulfilled within us, while becoming something others wish to have around. Love is a hard thing to resist.