3.) The three date rule applies. Untrue. The purpose of dating is NOT sexual intimacy. Dating should not be considered a “try it before you buy it” concept. The idea that you need to determine is you are sexually compatible based on experience is yet another myth. Sexual intimacy will be discussed in much greater detail in the marriage section on relationships, but for now suffice it to say, that giving to another, and respecting someone else should mean valuing them enough to refrain from becoming needlessly hormonally dependent on another person with little or no commitments or intimacy involved.
Once sex enters the picture, it clouds the mind with pheromones and radically affects the judgment of both parties. Where before logic would have foretold impassable differences on the horizon in values, intellect, emotional maturity, etc., now hormonal need enters and postpones these concerns until far into the future when they will become much more painful to experience. Many potential couples would move on to explore other possibilities, and much faster, had they not engaged in sex prematurely.
Sex tends to enslave the mind of the uncommitted. It reinforces the thinking that people are mere objects of pleasure, rather than valued individuals. And ultimately, sexual promiscuity deforms the thinking until YOU are the one with nothing to offer in a relationship, as it is your mind that no longer has any ideas what it means to give more than to take. In short, sex without the confines of marriage creates and fosters selfish tendencies that may remain in effect over an entire lifetime. As hard as it may seem, forgoing sex is the best way to determine real compatibility in a relationship, and is a better indicator of long term viability.
Guys who think they can spend enough money on a date that she should feel obligated to sleep with them – are viewing women as objects that can be purchased – in short whores. Women who buy in to this concept see themselves in this way as well. Sexual intimacy cannot be purchased, it must be a gift. Becoming a good lover does NOT happen due to the variety of people you sleep with; it has to do with the care and interest you take in really knowing who you are trying to please. Having casual sex with 100 selfish idiots is not going to improve your “skills”. It is going to turn you into the 101 selfish idiot.
The idea that sex may only be exciting when it is “new,” is part of the same thinking that separates the intimacy, trust, and vulnerability from sex and tries to turn it into mere biology. “New” can never replace “trust” where it comes to sex, relationships, or anything else of value. Again, the best way to determine compatibility of life-long partner is to abstain from sex while dating, and reserve your trust until someone is willing to commit the entirety of theirs to you as well.
4.) Love at first site is real. Untrue. Chemical attraction at first sight is real. Desire at first sight is real. Having that indescribable feeling of wanting to get to know someone else at first sight is real. But none of this is love, and most of this will not last very long. Love as we said earlier is about what we give to someone else, not about what we take. How can we truly love someone without knowing what it is they care about? How can we claim to love someone, who we are clueless about how to please? Loving someone is about learning these things and practicing them.
It will take more than a lifetime to ever try to fully know anyone. But this fact leaves open the idea of virtual newness, new discoveries about the object of your affections that will happen over a lifetime. While age may change your physical appearance, and prowess, it may also bring new insights into just how deep love can run. The longer you date someone, the more chance you will have to experience meaning with them. Chances are higher over time you will need forgiveness, even from the object you are trying so hard to please. Chances are higher over time that shared experiences will become treasured memories, and that a life shared becomes more valuable to you than a life spent alone.
5.) Age does not matter when dating. Untrue. How old a person is radically affects their perspective and degree of experience in living life. A younger person who chooses to date a much older person may appreciate the wisdom, maturity, and vision of their partner; but may also be drawn to them for their wealth, power, and prowess. But in choosing someone substantially older, they yield up a degree of control over themselves to a person who has the means to use it.
The older person may not consciously manipulate the younger, but the potential to do this exists, as the skills learned over time make the older person much more formidable than the young. People of vastly difference maturity levels should ask themselves what it is about the relationship they seek that makes them happy and brings them fulfillment. Love must be a choice, if it can be manipulated, then it can never be real. How many years different in age is the right number? ,,, is the wrong question. This is considered better in realizing the maturity differences between two people, and avoiding the pitfalls of manipulation whether by intent or by accident from either party.
to be continued ...
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