Family Redefined ...

Most of us hold a special place in our hearts for mom.  Mom generally earned this place because as far back as we can remember, she was there taking care of us, nurturing us, and showing a love for us we could barely understand back then.  Dad’s love was different, likely less expressive, but present.  Dad had a natural instinct to insure the family was safe, secure, and taken care of.  It meant less of his time, but always because of His desire to work for our greater good.  Our siblings are another kind of love entirely.  We grew up with them, fought with them over silly things, and were close to them when in times of need or sadness.  We share their joys and triumphs and share with them their sadness and defeats.  Underneath it all, the fights with them were more about establishing a unique identity in the family unit, than about any “real” disagreements.  And so we define our family unit by blood relations, and are often taught that blood is thicker than water, and only blood can be counted on in the world.  But our premise is mistaken at its core.  It is not just the Supreme Court of the United States that is redefining family, it is Jesus Christ.

Our core premise of family is broken from the outset.  Mom and dad are not actually related by blood (usually), unless you trace back our ancestry to Noah or Adam.  Taking history back that far makes us ALL related by blood (a concept we find Jesus endorsing).  So then mom and dad are family not by blood, but by choice, and by commitment.  In our world choices and commitments fail regularly leading to new family unit compositions, where new partners for mom or dad equate to new roles in the parental offering.  Step dads, or step moms, become part of the family unit through different choices made on the timelines of our lives.  New siblings that may have no blood relation at all enter the family unit, and if things go well, and Christian charity is employed, they can become as close to us, as any blood relation ever was.  The love between the new partner of mom or dad is different as well, and can be more or less intense than the original pairing.  And so how do we judge (perhaps not at all), about the validity of a family unit after it was broken, and now attempting to repair itself in another way?

Our core premise of family is broken in yet another way.  Sometimes children are left alone in this world, because of situations beyond their control.  They may be lucky enough to be adopted by parents who so desperately want to add another child to their family unit.  Those parents invest deeply in the lives of these adopted children, working hard to demonstrate a love that is intended to fill the gap left by the pain and loss found in this world.  No adoptive parent ever makes a distinction in how much they love their child.  While not the biological parent, they are the parent none the less.  These family units are determined by choice and commitment, not by blood.  They are as strong as any family unit, and the restorative love they put on display emulates the love of God as much as any we see here on earth.  And blood relations have little to do with the choice and commitment adoptive parents and children make to each other.

While the Supreme Court recognized that the privileges of a marital family unit are more defined by a choice and commitment than by the sexual orientation of the two individuals making that choice; they only chose to expand our legal definition of family to those who may be a bit different from ourselves.  But I submit, what they did is not new, nor did “they” actually redefine family for us or Christianity at large.  How could they?  We already had homosexuals in our family units, whether by blood, or by choice.  The orientation of a person does not determine their place within a family, it is instead only a characteristic that self-identifies with that person.  Many parents will discover that one or more of their children are in fact gay.  While this revelation may be painful at first, particularly if it is at odds with the values those parents hold to; ultimately it changes “nothing” about how much a parent continues to love that child.  Moms don’t stop nurturing, caring, and loving their child because they discover the child is gay (or they shouldn’t).  And dads don’t stop providing, seeking for safety and security of their families, because they discover a child is gay (or they shouldn’t).  So the inclusion of a gay person in a family unit was ALREADY part of our culture, and our definition of family.

It turns out, we already love people who are gay, whether as siblings, or children, or parents.  Loving someone with this characteristic is NOT against the law of God, nor is it forbidden in scripture.  There is no scripture that demands we ostracize a member of our family because they exhibit some behavior the Bible defines as sin.  If it did, every single parent, spouse, or child who has ever told a lie should be cast out (instead of forgiven).  Every single act of sexual misconduct including “lust” even if only in the mind, would be grounds for excommunication between the family unit and that person.  Under these extreme conditions there would be no family units left, only single individuals who are universally guilty of misguided sexual expression both straight and gay.  If our sin is allowed to separate us from each other and from redemptive love, there is no hope for any of us.  Instead Christians believe and need the forgiveness our Savior offers us.  It is a constant and ever present need, and it spans many more sins, than just those of a sexual nature.  At its core, a family unit is composed of choice and commitment, it is not simply a matter of blood.  But that lesson is not mine, it was Christ’s.

Peter recalls to John Mark an incident that proved just this point.  Mark wrote it down in chapter three and beginning in verse 31 saying … “There came then his brethren and his mother, and, standing without, sent unto him, calling him.”  This occurs at a time when Jesus is deeply engrossed in teaching His followers about the restorative love of God.  His mission is beyond healing only our bodies, but it remains for Jesus to heal our minds, and our souls.  He is demonstrating to his listeners what freedom from sin can really mean.  And during His teachings, His blood relations, or His family come to see Him.  Keep in mind this designation includes not only His mom, but “His brethren” or His siblings.  Mary did not remain a perpetual virgin after having Jesus Christ.  Instead she was a normal wife and mother.  She had sexual intimacy with Joseph, and the brothers and possibly sisters of Christ were a result.  Mary was like any other wife and mother, she loved her children, and her husband.  She had earned a place of respect in the family unit due to her choice and her commitment.  And now she was here with her other children to see Jesus.  But the venue was packed, another standing room only event, and she could not even get close enough to her Son, to ask Him what she was there to ask.  So they had to send in word by messenger.

John Mark records how the message progressed in verse 32 saying … “And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren without seek for thee.”  Whether it was whispered from person to person, or perhaps someone sitting there at the feet of Jesus saw His family outside waiting for Him and just assumed He needed to know, the message about His family waiting was delivered to Jesus.  Of course in so doing, the flow of His sermon was interrupted.  The train of thought had to by necessity pause, while consideration of this new situation was discussed and addressed.  Jesus, being divine, already knew they were there.  In addition, He already knew why they were there and what they wanted from Him.  He had already evaluated their needs and their request in His head before they arrived; had it been more critical to Him than what He was teaching, He would have ended His dialogue early, and met them outside, or on the road to go address what they felt was important.  But Jesus did none of this.  Instead He had remained inside, with these people in front of Him, teaching them something that outweighed the needs of His family.

Then Jesus does what the Supreme Court could not ever do as Mark continues the account in verse 33 saying … “And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren?”  This is not a casual question.  The parentage of Jesus Christ was “the” pivotal question of His ministry here on earth.  Jesus had repeatedly commanded the demons who fled before Him to remain silent on identifying Him as the literal Son of God.  To be born of a virgin was a miracle ONLY God could accomplish, and since it has never been done before or since, it remained an issue of faith to accept.  You will also note in this text, He does NOT ask who His Father is.  That question was to be settled as we examine His life.  But questioning who is His mother, and who are His siblings was intended to shock His audience into thinking deeper about what it means to be in a family with the Son of God.

Then Jesus ups the stakes in the definition of family as Peter has John Mark transcribe the further words of Christ in verse 34 saying … “And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!”  Ouch.  If our traditional views of blood relations were all that defined family, Jesus Christ just blew that away.  There would be no special place of respect for His mother standing outside, or for His siblings that grew up with Him.  Mary would be no intercessor with Christ as our Catholic friends might like to believe, as here Jesus plainly equates NO special status to her as to any other person sitting on the floor in front of Him.  To be the blood brother of Christ, did not afford His siblings any more special consideration than to be a stranger sitting at the feet of Jesus.  Blood is obviously not something that defines inclusion in the family of Jesus Christ.

Perfection was not a pre-requisite either.  The crowd sitting in front of Jesus were not well educated wealthy, religious leaders who committed little if any sins.  They were common folks.  The Pharisees who were deeply religious, wealthy, and obsessed with the keeping of the Law, had largely abandoned following after Jesus to learn.   They were instead plotting how to kill Him.  The people here on the floor were common sinners of every variety.  They were not there to justify their sins, or deny them, or make false claims about having already gained perfection.  They were universally guilty of sin.  But the focus there was on restoration and redemption.  To free these listeners from even their desire to sin, was the paramount goal of Jesus Christ.  In that mission, He could not be interrupted for trivial concerns.  And just because you had a blood relation, did not make your request more important that the restoration of one who is bound in sin.

Then Jesus made a declaration that would redefine family forever as John Mark records in verse 35 saying … “For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.”  It would not be about blood, it would be about choice and commitment.  Those listeners there had chosen to find Christ and learn at His feet, they had committed to being restored by Jesus Christ, and in so doing were named as part of His family.  When we choose to submit ourselves to Jesus Christ and let His will become ours, let Him remake our desires, our thinking, and ultimately our choices … we are making a choice to enter the family of the Son of God.  He considers us family as we unite with both Jesus and the Father God.  When we become in harmony with His Laws of Love, we become part of His family.  This can only happen, as our sin-sick diseased and addicted minds are remade by our Creator God.  We need re-creation, if we are to be brought into harmony with the Law of God which reflects His entry-level definition of what it means to love others. 

Being Jewish was and is not enough to be considered part of the family of Christ.  Being of the bloodline of David or Abraham was not enough.  Being Christian was and is not enough to be considered part of the family of Christ.  It is not just about making a declarative statement that we “believe” in Christ.  It is about taking that belief to Christ and surrendering “who” we are to Him to be remade.  For many a Christian does NOT do the will of the Father God, as instead they cling to the sins that define their characters.  This is not just a gay condition, it is a straight one.  It is not just about sexual expression or behavior, it is about loving self more than loving others.  We could completely abstain from sex altogether and still be found lacking in the pursuit of the will of the Father God, because we have not surrendered our desires to Him to be remade.

Those who focus on sex as the discriminator of proximity to Christ, ignore every other sin they are bound to.  Both gay and straight people lie.  Both steal.  Both love themselves more than they love others.  Both have pride, arrogance, and can reflect a coldness to those in need.  Christians are supposed to be the antithesis of these characteristics yet they are not.  It is the un-surrendered heart that keeps us at odds with the Law of God.  It is our pride in “who” we are that prevents us from being willing to put even our spouse or our sexuality on the altar of God.  We wish instead to retain the things that are important to us.  We wish to retain the things about us that define who we are.  We cherish our characters instead of looking at them with the disdain they deserve.  The only good in us, can be found as we reflect the Love of God to others.  This love does not originate in us, it is only reflected through us.  And that reflection is made dim or non-existent because we refuse to let go of who we are, choosing to try to retain ourselves and find a “partial” salvation instead of a full one.

It is as if we wish to get better from our cancer rather than find a cure for it.  It is as if we are comfortable being HIV positive as long as our condition does not evolve into full blown AIDs.  Jesus was not here to dispense so many spiritual pills to make us feel better about our diseases.  He was here to cure them all, fully.  He was here to restore us to the condition He had in mind for us.  When we are ready to put our sexuality on His altar, even if that means we live the rest of our lives in abstention, or are compelled to find another partner, or must forgive and recommit to the partner we have no matter how bad they treat us … to allow Jesus to reshape what we desire and how we love … is at the core of a full cure from our disease of sin.  Lest straight believers think I am only talking to our gay brothers and sisters, I am not.  Adam withheld Eve from the trust of the Lord to save her.  Eve was the one thing Adam was not willing to give up, and in joining her, he initiated sin into our world and our genetics from then to now.  Original sin was not found in homosexuality, it was found in the love of a husband for his wife, over that of his Creator.  That test remains for us all.  Is there anything, or any part of us, we love more than we love God?  If we hold back any part of ourselves from the restoration Christ offers, we cling to the cancer that kills us.

But, if we are willing to bring all of ourselves into surrender to Christ, then there is no difference between any of us in His eyes.  Our perfection will be the journey Christ brings us to.  It does NOT matter what sins we suffer from today, as ALL of them are to be a thing of the past as He remakes who we are, how we love, and how we think.  In this process, our sole job remains to love each other.  We are to be a family by choice and commitment, not by blood.  I am to love you, no matter what condition of sin you suffer from, or that I suffer from.  I am to love you without precondition, or demands upon you.  For it Jesus Christ who will free both you and I from our sins.  No need to judge your progress on that path, only to encourage you to remain on it, and ask that you encourage me to remain on it as well.  It is not our sins that exclude us from restoration, it is our unwillingness to see those sins disappear.  Letting go all of ourselves to Christ, frees us to love each other without condemnation or judgment.

The Supreme Court redefined legal marriage in our country this week.  But what spiritual marriage is, remains a concept no law of our land will ever fully be able to comprehend or enumerate in legal language.  The relationships that God blesses of family units begins with an entirely different understanding of what it means to love others like He loves others.  If we are not in harmony with how He loves, how we could possibly hope to understand what a true spiritual marriage is all about.  Instead we bring our selfishness into our weddings, and our lives, and look to see what marriage has to offer us; instead of holistically re-evaluating marriage through the eyes of Christ, and what it means to have intimacy between ourselves and our God as the underpinning of any choice and commitment.  The intimacy between each of us and our God must occur prior to the success of anything we call marriage.  If we are distant from the source of Love, how can we hope to truly love each other, as a spouse should be loved?

Before Christians decry the breakdown of the family unit because our country made something legal, they should take a serious look at why the concept of divorce exists, and the damage it causes to our families and our nation.  Divorce exists (and will now impact the gay community), because of the selfishness in how we love others.  It is a reflection of our addiction to loving self, and unwillingness to love another beyond the limits of our lives.  Divorce is enabled because Christians are unwilling to have their desires remade, and be taught a new way to love another.  If we were willing to submit the entirety of who we are in surrender to Jesus Christ, we would be making better decisions before marriage, and better decisions once in a marriage.  It is not the legality of our marriage license that determines the spiritual validity of marriage, it is determined in how much of ourselves we are willing to surrender to Jesus Christ to be remade by Him.  Full surrender will yield full restoration, and we can trust in Jesus to save us from ourselves.  To be part of the family of the Son of God, remains only about choice, and about commitment.  How much of who you are, are you willing to relinquish to Christ?  Or perhaps better stated … how much pain would you like to let go of as our Lord offers a full cure just for that asking?

 

A Home Without Judgment ...

Home.  Just the word invokes a feeling.  When away from it for any length of time we begin to miss it.  We long to return to a place where love abounds, where we are accepted, appreciated, needed, and loved.  Home is where our family lives.  These are the people who know us best, and love us most.  We are not loved in our homes because we are perfect.  But we are loved despite our imperfections.  We may hurt those who love us, or argue with them, but in the end there is always forgiveness, always healing, and eventually peace.  We may go out for activities, or work, or entertainment – but in the end we always look to going home.

Our churches need to stop being churches and start becoming homes.  We do not need to move our belongings into them and sleep there at night to accomplish this.  But we need to realize that a home is a place we treasure, a place we long to be – not for its amenities, but for its complete acceptance of who we are.  It is love that defines our homes the most, and so it must be love that comes to define our churches the most.  Our church must become a home without judgment, a home of love, and a place of healing.  When church becomes this ideal, our members will hardly be able to stay away.  Seating will be in short supply, workers too plentiful, and outreach a natural phenomenon.  Guests will be treated as they would be honored in a private home.  They will be treasured, served, and leave wishing only to return once again.  It is then that we will once again begin to see Christ in His church.  It will be His image that is burned into the minds of member, speaker, and guest.  And it will be His work that will explode again in countries that have long been immune to theological dissertations and warnings of doom.

Some have argued that the church must be a place of standards, doctrine, and truth.  They believe the mission of the church is to spread the unpopular truth revealed in the law that we are wicked and in need of a savior.  Thus church should be only a place for perfection; perfect clothing, perfect cleanliness, and perfect behavior.  But these ideals are seldom lived, and rarely seen in the same believers homes.  It is because they rely too much on imperfect humans to accomplish goal that are beyond their capacity.  Our need of a savior to remove our wickedness and pain is true, but the reason we are drawn to Him is because He cares about us and loves us.  Christ drew people to Himself because He loved them.  Only then was He able to begin to remove their pain.  Condemnation drives people away.  A revelation of our evil condition is not nearly as compelling as the offer of a life without pain, and a future that begins here and now and continues into eternity.  Christ offers us an escape for our pain here.  He offers it to us because He loves us, and for no other reason.

Some argue that if we adopt such a complete standard of love and acceptance that sinners will use this as an excuse to hang on to their cherished sins.  But this is not true.  Have you ever noticed the behavior of a smoker when they visit the home of a friend who does not smoke?  The smoker does not simply quit forever because he is visiting a friend.  But he is conscious about the fact that his friend does not smoke, so he tries to refrain.  Or if he must smoke, he goes outside, or tries to be as respectful to his non-smoking friend as he is able.  If he just lit up a cigarette in his non-smoking friend’s living room, the friend might remind him politely not to light up there and offer him an alternative.  But friendships continue despite the differences between the two. 

Smokers inherently know that their habit is not one everyone appreciates.  They know that the habit may well be damaging their health.  They know that it is a costly habit and they would do better financially if they stopped.  They know it turns their teeth yellow and their lungs black.  They know their smoke can damage other’s health, particularly the vulnerable like children, or pregnant women.  Yet all this collective knowledge does little to inspire people to quit.  Why?  Because it “looks cool”, or “everyone else is doing it”?  These two sentiments are not nearly as true in our society as they may once have been.  It is because the chemicals in cigarettes are addictive.  They are designed this way, to provide the body with a feeling of relaxation that it will crave over and over again.  Chemical addiction is not easily broken, often it requires outside intervention.  But it is ultimately NOT isolation that inspires a smoker to quit.  It is the desire to be included with many who do not smoke that makes him want the change.

Our homes are not places where we excuse horrific behavior.  We seldom welcome unrepentant child molesters, practicing serial killers, and active psychotics over for dinner.  Anyone of those folks would inherently already know that their behavior limits their ability to socialize with others.  But where does a former child molester or former murderer go when they wish to reform who they are?  How can a person change from the evil they embrace to the perfection Christ offers if not to associate in a home where He is present?  We might remove a belligerent smoker from our homes if they seem only interested in hurting us.  But we would not consider removing the friend who smokes, but is very respectful in our homes and really wants to quit.  It is the same condition, but an entirely different interaction between us.  Sinners, of which we are all appropriately labeled, fall into these same categories.  Each of us inherently know what acts we commit that we should not be doing.  And the cure for all of them is Christ.  The only question is whether we intend to seek the cure or not.  It is love that draws us to seek the cure.  It is because we love our families that we wish to become better people so as not to hurt them or ourselves.  It is love alone that can motivate us to do so.  It is indifference that would allow us to hurt others around us; indifference we are shown, and indifference we reflect as well.

If our churches are places of only indifference, apathy, and self-enrichment – we can expect to see no great change in our own lives or the lives of others around us.  No one seeks change for those they could care less about.  But if our churches are homes steeped in love, where genuine care and concern for every single family member or honored guest is the norm, the expected, the routine – then a world of change is inspired both within us and around us.  People crave the company of such groups and such places.  It is a lack of love our world suffers from, not an overabundance of it.  Our world is full of indifference and those who care nothing for us.  Our church MUST NOT BE the same as the world in this regard.  The singular characteristic that will keep our churches from becoming like the world around us is not found in our doctrine, or worship style, but in our application of genuine love for each other.  Doctrinal distinctions were supposed to only enrich our ability to love, not squelch it.  As our ability to love increases, our desire to change increases.  As we forsake indifference for concern, we inspire those objects of our affection to wish to experience the same love we seem to reflect.  It is in this way that world changes into His image.

People will tolerate a number of things they do not enjoy, if what they ultimately care about the most is present.  I may not enjoy a visit with extended family members who I find illiterate, obnoxious, or offensive.  But when those same family members, despite their shortcomings, pull together towards a common goal; when they appear to drop their own concerns and reflect deep interest in those of mine or each other; when they remember first we are truly family and that blood counts – all of the sudden, I remember how much I love those people.  Our petty differences are dropped as we realize how important we are to each other.  We begin to prioritize life better.  The place of our meeting and the conditions of the building become so much less important.  The background music, or what is on TV hardly matters.  What matters is that we love each other.  We care when one of us is sick, or faces a life threatening condition.  We ache when one of us has been hurt.  We want to help when one of us needs it.  We offer whatever skills we have as we are able.  This is family.  This is home.  This is a place we want to be.  This is what our church must become.

A great orator, an excellent speaker, a fantastic musician, and elegant surroundings do not make a church.  They make an entertainment vehicle.  If I am looking to be inspired for a moment, I might seek them out.  But when I have had my fill, I look to go home again.  The effects are temporary, not life altering.  And if given a choice to be permanently in the company of great orators, excellent musicians, and elegant surroundings – or be at home with a family who loves me – I would prefer to be at home.  Love beats performance.  Love has more of an effect than what I choose to observe for 2 hours, once a week.  But what if, those people who I truly love, can be found in church only one time per week?  What if that might be MY only opportunity to be with those people who I love?  Our schedules may not permit more interaction than that.  Or there may be simply too many of us to practically get together more often outside of a building that is big enough to house us all.  Well then, church is the one place I must be at, as those who I love will only be there once where I can see them all, talk to them all, catch up with them all.  I long to experience a true family get together, where the source of our love, family unity brought about by Christ, is the underpinning to all that we do.  It is more important that sermons, or choirs, or lesson studies. 

Our churches need to be more than mere places of education.  They need to be transformed into places where we have the time we need to reflect love and genuine concern we have for each other.  A common goal, a church wide activity that requires all members to participate to succeed should be more the curricula.  Sitting still, with minimal participation, or only as we collectively worship God does little to show person-to-person warmth for each other.  We turn our love to God upwards, from grateful hearts, but refuse to show it sideways to each other where it is needed most.  The person on my left needs to feel that love.  God already knows how I feel.  He knew it before I prayed, or gave my offering, or sang my song.  He is happy I love Him, now He wants me to take that love and apply it to the guy next to me in the pew.  Our services need to be altered so that I have that chance.  Individual praise to God, that is performed in a group, is not the same thing as love to each other.  It is a format that allows us to keep indifference between us.  It keeps us in our comfort zones of not having to interact with someone who may be in great need.  It is not a recipe for the spreading of love, it is a recipe for the maintenance of isolationism.  And it must end.

Our church is in need of the greatest reform.  It is not the forsaking of our evil habits and past that must be addressed, but rather the reason we would seek any kind of change within us.  We must seek first Christ, and His love to be instilled in us.  We must seek first every opportunity to express love, to our families, our honored guests, and the world around us.  It is a reform of love we need in our church.  Each of us needs so much more love than we have, not merely to be loved, but to love others ourselves.  We need to break the bonds of indifference through our submission to Christ.  To begin to see the world as He sees it, with longing in our hearts, love in our hands and feet.  This will be the most substantial reform the church has ever encountered.  It has historical precedent when founding fathers performed great acts of love and courage to take small ideas and turn them into large movements.  It was not their courage, or ideology that saw them succeed.  It was their commitment to love.  It was their actions to try to show and spread that love for those in darkness that led them to succeed.  From Peter and Paul, to Martin Luther, to the early pioneers of every church; it is love that marked success.  It is love than must now mark the greatest reform we can seek as a people or as a denomination.

Looking the Part ...

Would you go to church in shorts and a tee shirt?  Would you consider it if it were a cleaning day or work bee?  How about to a game night at church?  Does it matter “when” you wear these clothing items, or for what purpose we get together in a church to accomplish?  Despite a general trend towards dressing more casual in America, most Christians would still hesitate on wearing shorts to a formal morning worship service in church.  Those that might consider it are decidedly younger in age than our more senior church goers.  So does how we dress matter anymore, or is it a non-issue?

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness” … although this is found nowhere in scripture, it is often cited as a reason to dress appropriately in church.  But then, what is “appropriately”?  In the days of Moses, when God sought to talk directly with His people, He asked them to refrain from sex with their spouses for 3 days.  He asked them to clean themselves and their clothing.  They made an effort to prepare, and then approached Him at the foot of Mt. Sinai.  This was a singular event, and there was no prescription recorded mandating everyone put on their best clothing, or buy new clothing – only to insure that what they had was clean.  Perhaps more important, that they themselves were clean.  After all, “to obey, is better than sacrifice” and “to listen, is better than the fat of Rams”.  God always tried to direct Israel to examine their hearts when approaching Him, more so than their exterior.  Nonetheless, modern Christians have adopted a tradition of wearing their “finery” to church on a weekly basis.

So how good is too good?  I could wear my $200 suit from Burlington, or my $1500 Joseph Aboud suit from Nordstroms, or my $5000 Armani from NYC.  Does it matter what I spent on my suit when dressing for church, or where my suit comes from, or how extravagant it looks?  I could wear my $40 leather belt on my pants, or choose to wear my $400 crocodile Italian belt instead.  Does it matter if I have these choices and choose to wear the less expensive items?  The same could be said for a pair of leather loafers – one pair is $60, one is $600.  And none of this touches my watch where the numbers get really crazy.  My Seiko, or my Rolex, or my Bvlgari – which do I believe most honors God in His worship service this week.  Often we pick on women and how they fuss over their clothing and outfits, and seem to struggle with make-up and jewelry.  But a wealthy man can easily wear clothing and accessories that would outstrip a typical women in cost in no time.  It is not just women, who need to examine what they wear and why, it is also men.

And what about those who have no choice, or very limited choices?  A young man enters the sanctuary wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a cut-off tee shirt; our first thought – is he too poor to dress up, or was this done by choice?  Was he too lazy to at least clean up his clothing, or perhaps does he live on the street and is only looking to duck the heat of the sun outside for a while before wandering on his way?  Our thoughts center on his ability to choose, and in so doing we reveal more about us than about him.  There was a young man who wore his work clothing to the sanctuary every week.  He worshipped our God in humility, read scriptures with power and authority, and taught those who would listen in truth they had never even considered before.  But his clothing was never new, and never varied.  He kept it clean, but he wore it to work every day, on trips, in the sun, He may have even slept in it.  His name was Jesus Christ.  At His death, his tormentors cast lots for the only thing He owned, His single outfit of clothing.

Jesus had no change of clothes to wear to worship on Sabbath at the local synagogue or even the Temple in Jerusalem.  He had only the clothing he wore every day.  He could have owned more, but He chose to be poor and keep nothing but what He needed instead.  And apart from His death, His clothing is rarely if ever mentioned in His ministry.  No one cared what He was wearing when He taught, healed, or showed the magnitude of His love for us.  And He never made a single comment about what someone else was wearing when He encountered them.  “Clothing” was not a barrier for access to Christ.  Instead it was completely irrelevant.  What Christ wore never prevented Him from reaching a lost soul, working when it was required. and worshipping as He was able.  His clothing was practical, functional, and not extravagant.  His disciples never mentioned their own clothing throughout their subsequent ministries.  The only time clothing was mentioned after His ascension, was in relation to new converts selling everything they owned and giving the proceeds to the ministry.  It appears our early Christian ancestors modeled themselves more like Christ and kept no spare outfits to set aside for worship services.

So how about just showing up in a bikini?  Why bother with clothing at all?  Perhaps again here our Lord could serve as our role model.  His clothing was not only clean and maintained as He was able, it was practical and modest.  Again throughout scripture it was not the goal our Lord to become the sex symbol of His day.  He made no effort to show off His pecks, or six pack abs.  He did not keep his robe cut short in order to show a well-developed leg from all the walking He did in His time.  Nor does scripture speak of Mary, Martha, or Mary Magdalene ever attempting to wear seductive clothing in His presence.  Clothing again was a non-issue, the concept of dressing to seduce would have been the farthest thing on His mind, or on the minds of those who followed Him.  Seduction would be confined to the auspices of marriage, not designed for public display whether at recreation, or in worship.  When a man leaves his shirt undone, or chooses highly tight fitting clothing to display the muscles he works hard to maintain he sends a message – “look at me”.  When a woman wear skirts cut high, or slit high; or wears a top with a low cut and a push up bra – she too sends the message – “look at me”.  As Christians, do we really want to send this message, particularly when as Christians we know just how far from His perfection we really are?  Perhaps our clothing would be better suited to draw no attention and send the message – “look at Him”.

And what of our ornaments?  To wear jewelry or not continues to be a question long debated in our congregations.  The rational to wear jewelry is that makes us look more attractive, and gives us a sense of being more “complete” in our overall outfits.  The rational not to wear jewelry is that causes too much attention to ourselves, does not scream humility, and scripture seems to proscribe not wearing items “that the heathen wear”.  But our rational is wrong.  Neither line of thinking is the right one.  Jewelry is not inherently evil, if it were we would not be receiving a jeweled crown in heaven.  Diamonds, gold, and precious stones are not the problem – we are.  “I” am my own worst enemy in the spiritual warfare of my life.  It is my lust for more, my desire to out-do, my need for attention, and my pride in my accomplishments that so often causes me to reason that wearing my $40,000 watch is somehow a good idea in church.  When in truth, there is no “good” reason to wear it there.  Further, there is probably no “good” reason to even own it.  Even if I am wealthy, the money could be better spent on those in need, than on “me” – the enemy of my soul.  Jewelry does not complete our outfits any more than it completes us as individuals.  It is window dressing in a vain attempt to distract from the gaping hole in our conscience that allows others to suffer while I continue to accrue my earthly kingdom.  In short, it is me putting my treasure in the completely wrong place.  Again it says more about me than I would care to admit.

So back to our original question, what is appropriate to wear to worship?  I believe the answer is found in the ministry of Christ.  I should wear clothing that is clean wherever possible, practical, modest, and comfortable for me to meet, and assist others as they have need.  My shoes should be comfortable to walk in, as rarely do I find those in need within only a few steps of where I am today.  My clothing should not alienate people, or make them feel uncomfortable to be around me, as they cannot match my ability to dress well.  In short, it should not be extravagant, immodest, or designed in a way to promote me at all.  My clothing should become a non-issue in my encounters with others, and being able to meet their needs becomes the more important part of the equation, than what I look like when I do it.  Were the church to adopt this pragmatic approach, the debates over what is modest go away.  The debates over jeans, shorts, tee shirts, cut offs, and expensive accessories go away.  Humility becomes the guiding principle, and service the overriding goal.

Our sanctuaries are nothing but brick and mortar, our members are the value in our churches.  “When two or three are gathered together in my name” says the Lord, this is where church is being held.  It happens at the beach, in a restaurant, in a hospital bedside, in a mall, almost anywhere where believers get together and make ministry and Christ their first priority.  Dressing up in order to accommodate a traditional time, in a traditional place, to keep traditional standards is about honoring man made traditions of the past – not about honoring God or the ministry or example of Christ.  Humility, modesty, cleanliness as we are able, practicality; these are the hallmarks we should strive to achieve, remembering that service to others “is” the ministry of our Lord.  Attention to self has nothing to do with Him.  I long for a day when clothing is no longer any concern of the people of the Lord, for they are known for their love and unfailing interest in the needs of those they encounter.

Gossip and the Rumor Mill ...

The scarlet letter, a public symbol used to brand the adulteress, thus humiliating her and serving as a warning to rest of the community.  Today we would not think of using such tactics … publicly.  But between friends and confidants, we are free to share our opinions on stories we have heard about the failings of various brothers and sisters in our church.  If a church leader is suspected to be found in some sort of compromising position, it becomes fodder for the membership, and excuse to warrant our own various objections to offerings, attendance, or any other element of worship we simply do not enjoy.  Harmless gossip after all is innocuous right?  What real harm can it do?  Shouldn’t a community of believers show an interest in what happens in their own church?

The TV images of Ozzie and Harriet Nelson in the 1950’s presented America with an image of family life.  Divorce was a dirty word.  Just being divorced and attending a church would often immediately bring condescending looks, and social slights, enough to let the sinner know their place in the community.  Women would stand guard over their husbands to insure the recently cast out, would not attempt to take their man to cover the loss.  So too would interracial couples find a hard time with acceptance in either community.  Christians would tacitly accept them, but not usually make them a part of the inner circle.  Nominal acceptance with back door critique was the norm for the day for years to come.  Fast forward 50 years and these earlier improper treatments have all but vanished.  Not because divorce is gone, but because it is so wide spread it now dominates the membership.  Mixed families, children from other marriages, step children, all now are commonly seen in the pews and the “stain” of divorce is now too common to make much ridicule against.  So too, racial prejudice has subsided to a great degree.  It is not gone entirely, but it is no longer politically correct to express it publicly, so it now only lives in the dark recesses of the unchanged heart.

How a Christian treats his enemy is a telling event.  But how a Christian treats his brother speaks volumes more.  Gossip, at its core, is about making one feel better about themselves at the expense of another.  Rumors, by definition, include the various thoughts, feelings, and preferences of the person speaking.  Rumors are seedy, unverifiable stories, usually designed to achieve a particular result.  To spread them, or relay them if it makes you feel more comfortable, is to be a gossip.  The only proper response to a rumor is to quash it entirely.  But instead most folks who indulge in the listening or spreading of rumors add their own embellishments to the story as it is relayed.  Most of us would focus on the victims of the gossip and discuss the harm that comes to them from this practice.  That is well known, but the damage continues.  I believe the more salient focus should be on the damage that is done to the gossip than to the victim in their stories.  If the gossip truly understood what is happening to them, perhaps the practice would disappear altogether.

A need to feel better.  A need to be respected and heard.  A need to matter.  All of us crave these things.  Our sins have so long beaten us down, that some of us decide to compare ourselves to others in order that at least comparatively we can begin to feel better about our own lives.  We reason that we may not like someone else, but at least we don’t go beat them up.  Of course the person guilty of assault reasons that at least he did not kill the guy.  The murderer then reasons that at least he only killed the guy who deserves it, not his entire family.  The mass murderer then reasons that at least he did not kill as many people as Hitler.  Hitler reasons he is doing God’s work.  Thus an entire chain of Christians reason that at least they are not quite as bad as their neighbors.  But ALL suffer, all remain in pain, and none find relief from it.  Comparative salvation is not salvation at all.  Comparative holiness is nothing holy at all.  It is vain empty pursuits to bury pain, rather than find a way to end it.

When we embrace the idea of “relative salvation“ (or this sin is not as bad as that one), we implicitly accept the pain that comes from our own sin.  In addition, our focus on the sins of others, leaves us focused only on sin - period.  We do not look to Christ for relief from our own sins, nor can we in any way effect the life of our brother who is also in sin, so at the end of our investigation we have accomplished nothing.  We are no better because our brother is found to be in sin.  He remains in pain as well.  This kind of thinking is what the devil longs for.  Instead of an end to our own pain and evil, we extend its life by ignoring it, and comparing it to the lives of others.  We make our own lives seem even better by embellishing what we know of the failings of others.  In so doing we lie to ourselves, as well as to those we talk with.  We want to believe our own lies.  We need to believe them.  For if we face the unvarnished truth about ourselves we see our own evil up close and personal.  We are then forced to admit we are NO better than anyone we know, probably worse when it comes to it.  This is a truth we wish not to find or admit, but truth remains regardless of our desires.

It is an incredible waste of time and life.  Instead of focusing on pain, why not focus on the cure to pain.  Instead of searching for meaning by comparison, why not allow God to create meaning within you?  A life that matters, a life that will be remembered, a life that will be missed in this world and honored in the next is not a life of pain, but a life of love.  When a person dies, we miss them the most if we loved them the most, and even more if THEY loved us the most.  We do not miss the ones we never knew.  We do not mourn the loss of random strangers.  But our hearts break when one who spent their lives loving and giving to us is taken away by the pain of evil’s ultimate reward – death.  The sting of love lost is keen and is remembered.  Most folks do not miss the absence of a gossip, in fact, most prefer it.  But to lose a loving servant of God is mourned by every life that person touched.

A change of heart is needed, and one is offered.  To change the life of a gossip, one must begin by allowing Christ to change how we think.  We need to value different things.  We need to love in a different way than we understand today.  The feelings of love we have now are dwarfed by comparison to what God is able to install within us when we let Him.  A person may not naturally be drawn to help the homeless or downtrodden.  It costs us our time, our money, and our convenience.  Most of us naturally avoid getting personally involved with “these people” choosing rather to give an offering now and again and let someone else do that actual work.  But when we love like Christ loves, it is an entirely different matter.  Christ while here on this earth, went straight into the ghetto’s.  He spent more time on the Martin Luther King boulevards of His day, than in the places of pomp and spectacle.  He hung out with the hookers, pimps, diseased, and possessed and freed every one of them from their physical and their mental chains.  He broke the bonds of sin that held the weakest in slavery because the weakest knew they could not do it themselves.

Christ longed to teach the Pharisees what it meant to be free from sin, free from the chains that bind us to want to do what is wrong.  But the Pharisees and religious leaders of His day, believed they had no need of this freedom.  They were content to find righteousness in their own actions and self-denials.  They measured their spiritual holiness by comparison with the publicans.  They performed their actions and kept to strict lists to prevent any action that might be deemed inappropriate, but their hearts were completely unaffected.  They did not know how to love.  They desired wrong doing in their core, and denied it in their mouth.  But ultimately, their own self-centered ideas of holiness drove them to kill the only perfect life that revealed their hypocrisy.  Christ came to die for them as well.  He longed to reform their hearts and free them from their chains.  But they would not have it, rather they thought to end Christ and resume their own ideas unchallenged.

The Pharisees and the Publicans both needed a change of heart and mind.  Our actions follow our thinking.  We do what we want to do.  For there to be change, we must want different things.  We must value something else.  We are incapable of accomplishing this change on our own, but we are not asked to perform this work.  Instead we are offered a God who longs to do it for us and in us, and sometimes in spite of us.  All we need do is surrender ourselves to Christ.  Not just to accept that He is our God, or that He created the world, or inspired the Bible.  Those are facts not our personal surrender.  Our surrender is to the idea that we cannot change ourselves and ONLY He can change us.  We need to think differently than we do, and ONLY He can make that happen.  We need to want what He wants, not what we have always wanted.  We need to love like He loves, not like the paltry thing we call love.

When we do start to see people like He sees them, the homeless and downtrodden become the Prince and Princess of England.  Will and Kate are seen in the faces of the dirty street walking, mentally challenged, medically needy who seek only their next fix whatever that may be.  Like Christ, we do not care how they smell.  Like Christ, we do not care what they look like, what skin color they have, how old they are, how lazy they are, how greedy they are, even how dangerous they may be.  Instead, like Christ, we see only hurting children that SO much need an end to their pain.  Our hearts break as we look upon those in such desperate need and we are no longer content to simply give an occasional offering for them.  We need to get involved.  We need to make a difference.  Our hearts explode with love and sitting still in our chairs is no longer an option.  We - MUST - DO - Something.  This is how Christ felt as He walked our earth and saw the pain in so many lives.  He could not rest.  He could not leave the work up to others.  He had to take action.  He loved us too much to sit still and hope.  He got involved and made a difference and 2000 years later billions remember His life.

To indulge in gossip, is to prolong the pain in your own life.  It is to grant an extension to evil, to allow it to remain unchecked and unchanged and it hurts the life of the gossip far more than the lives of those they propagate rumors about.  But it need not be so.  It need not consume the years you have left on this planet earth.  There is meaning for those who seek Christ that they have yet to understand or imagine.  There is love so great that it truly changes how we think and mandates what we do, if we only come to the source of it and allow Him to begin to remake our hearts.  To surrender our desires to Christ is to see them replaced with desires that will echo through eternity and make an indelible impact in our here and now.  The journey to perfection begins as we let our enemy die.  Not the enemy in the world, or even the enemy beyond our sight.  Instead our enemy lies in the mirror.  “I” and my own worst enemy and as I allow Christ to recreate me, it is Christ who is found in me, and “I” who disappears.  This is the beginning of a life of meaning, and an end to the pain we embrace.  Rather than focus on our pain, let us begin to focus only on its cure – Christ.

Resolved Whores ...

There are those that teach the Bible says we should give unto others, in order that we might receive for ourselves.  On subscribing to this philosophy, we begin to believe that by giving our offerings, tithes, or performing other “good works” that the blessings of Heaven are poured out on us and that we will become rich as a reward for our generosity.  The book of Malachi describes this a bit.  And to an extent this phenomenon is true, but the cause and effect have been distorted, and in the mean time we have eagerly learned how to be whores.

Women in particular, are quite resistant to the idea that they might be called whores with accuracy.  When a woman marries for money, others are quick to point out it is only another form of prostitution (a legal one).  But the idea that a seemingly faithful woman, who has not strayed out of her marital vows, and whose reason for marrying was indeed love – to be called a whore is a quite unpleasant thing.  Men, in general, are more accepting of being called this term, merely writing it off to the “error of their youthful pursuits”.  But to tell a man that he may be actively selling his love or his honor for money, would not go down so smooth either.

But how do you ask, can an entire generation be classified under this cruel kind of banner?  Well it begins this way … First, I am not referring to physical sexual fidelity.  Sexual expression, as we have discussed in prior blogs, is really at heart an expression of supreme intimacy with another person, a unity of mind, body, and soul.  This is the kind of unity God would like with each of us (the unity of mind and soul – not so much body).  God’s love for each of us is unconditional and complete.  He reaches out to us before we are even aware He is there.  But our God is not a pimp, nor a “john” walking the streets looking to score.  He does not offer us blessings in exchange for our performance (or good works).

In point of fact, our God offers us blessings in spite of what we deserve.  The sun and the rain fall upon the wicked and righteous.  God pours out His love on each of His children, despite whether they may love Him or not – the fact is, He loves them.  Ever wonder why it seems that the wicked prosper?  How do all those fat-cats on Wall Street get there?  How do all those rich Saudi oil princes get so rich?  We may not like those folks too much, after all their wealth is earned by our collective sweat, but God still loves each of them.  He works hard with each “rich” person in the world, just like He works hard with you or me.  When someone like a Warren Buffett, or a Bill Gates decides to give back – the impacts are felt globally.

But the best part about Warren or Bill giving back is that they have no expectations of getting even richer from their charity.  They are truly giving money away, not expecting to see it again.  It is not a bribe to the man upstairs, in order to gain favor, or worse, get rich quicker – it is a true gift back to the world, and those in need.  Those who pursue scripture as a giant vending machine in the sky, are completely missing the point on how blessings are gained, and what it means to be truly rich, truly free, or truly loved – they are in point of fact – resolved whores.  They resolve only to give when they can gain, or as a means of it.  They are selling their love to a God who is refusing to buy.

So then, what is the motive to ever give?  The reason why this idea is so popular from Christian pulpits that you must give in order to receive, is that ministries rely on donations.  If a minister told you to stop giving, he would be holding a gun to his own ministry’s head.  If he told you that God would bless you regardless of your worthiness, and regardless of your giving level, you might get greedy wouldn’t you?  After all this is what the Israelites did with all their blessings in the olden days, they just kept on accumulating.  The whores of old had ambitions of becoming bankers.  Instead of giving back, they took the blessings and used them to earn even more wealth and more blessings and became even richer as a people – kinda like us today – we try to use each gift to make us wealthier and invest little in giving back to the world.

But again I ask, why give at all?  Christ told the rich young ruler to sell ALL that he had, give it to the poor, and come follow Him.  Why sell everything?  Wouldn’t he then be poor himself, destitute of all the world’s wealth, is not this counter-intuitive?  The rich young ruler thought so and went away sad, he would rather keep his wealth, than become the 13^th apostle.  Amazing the pull of wealth on the soul.  Maybe this why we should start looking as wealth as more a burden on us in a spiritual sense, and less of a blessing in itself.  With wealth comes ease, complacency, and perhaps even increased selfishness.  Yet Christ’s own words contained a blessing that was consistent with the rest of scripture, he said if the rich man sold ALL his stuff, he would have – “treasure in heaven”.  This was promise of true wealth, this was a promise ALL of us greedy folks can sink our teeth into.  Was Christ referring to golden crowns adorned with diamonds the clarity of the sun, with more carrots than Bugs Bunny might enjoy?  Was Christ referring to a social structure in heaven where wealth would designate prominence even in a heavenly kingdom as some might enjoy here on earth?  What kind of treasure was He referring to?

A widow gave 2 mites (or think of it as two pennies) in church.  Her gift was small, but it was ALL she had, and as such Christ declared she gave more than all those around her who were giving massive sums into the till.  Her treasure was her.  The rich man’s promised treasure was the widow, and the poor people whose lives would be changed by the rich man’s generosity.  There would be PEOPLE in heaven because of the changes they would see in the life of the rich man who gave it all up to be with Jesus.  He would have had a ministry of his own.  After the death and resurrection of Christ he would have been one of the 12 who would have had great deeds, great works, and a great testimony.  His wealth would be measured in souls, in heaven, where only PEOPLE matter.  This is the only true wealth.

The reason to give, is not to receive, the reason to give is the reward in the giving.  Christ does not PROMISE wealth in this world, but in the next.  Christ places value on the only world that matters, the one that lasts.  He points our focus from off of ourselves and on to others.  He echoes the entire governmental structure of heaven by serving others Himself, and asks us to join in this work.  The serving is the gift.  The giving is the reward.  The blessings that come from this are in the heart of the giver and in the soul of the servant.  They can ONLY be understood by those who give.  It is the internal transformation of the core of who you are that takes place when you give to another without expectations of reward.  The happiness you bring to others, echoes in your own heart and mind.  The change you bring to another’s life may wind up being what was needed to point that person back to God and thus you connect them with the source of all saving love.

To join Christ in this work through giving, through serving, you learn how to truly love – not simply to be whores.  Resolve not to do, but to give up to Christ.  Resolve not to perform, but to be willing to be used by God.  Resolve not through the power of your character or stubborn ability to get things done, but commit to Christ to rely on His strength, on His promises, on His mercy.  It is only Christ on who you can rely.