When "No" is Actually "Not Yet" ...

I am reminded this week that not all answers to my prayers are the ones I asked for.  It seems recently I am told “No” in response to many of my requests.  So many in fact, it is disheartening.  My daughter asked me for prayers on Thursday for her father-in-law.  I prayed.  But on Friday, she let me know that while her husband was yet in travel to see his father, he passed away.  This hurts.  Bad enough, that he was not healed.  But worse, that this exact same scenario happened with her husband’s grandfather earlier this year.  Requests for prayer, followed by death while still in transit to see him.  My adopted son (son-in-law is a term too little for how much our family loves him) has lost both his grandfather and father in the same year, with no good-byes, after requests for prayer which were given.  And there is no way to fix this, is there?  What comfort and love my daughter now offers her husband will never be more important than it is today.  What comfort he can offer his own mother, and grandmother (who lost both a husband and a son as well), will also never be more important than it is today.  Sometimes people think that when prayers are offered by “righteous” men they will be heard.  I guess you can figure where that puts me on the righteous scale then.  But I believe that Jesus hears the broken as much as He hears those who think themselves whole.  Answers however, are not always what we want, at least seen through the prism of this world’s lens.

But sometimes, where I hear a resounding “no”.  That is not actually what God is saying.  My “no” is merely God’s “not yet”.  I have personal experience with this.  Once before a long time ago, I prayed for a job with a particular division of Lockheed Martin.  I did not get it.  Answer looked like “no” to me.  But then, I was referred to a different division of Lockheed where I did get not only a job, but with more pay, and faster career progression than anyone could have imagined.  At a time in retrospect, where the division I originally applied for was laying off employees to the tune of nearly 1/3 of its work force.  So while my friends were being downsized, I was being promoted, over and over again.  Who but God could have opened the one door, while closing the other.  More recently, I continue to pray for my dog Layla.  She has inoperable cancer, but she still lives.  I do not know for how much longer, but today is a gift, and her lack of pain today, a greater gift still.  I hold out hope for her cure, but given the losses in our family, it is hard to hope for a dog, when the people seem not to last.  But my feelings, do not change my history, or today’s gift, or my continued hope in God’s mercy in the here and now.

I can only imagine the pain of a mother who loses a son.  I have not ever been exposed to such pain.  Worse, if it is her only son.  But this scenario did not originate with my family this year.  Luke writes about another such woman, who lost her husband, making her a widow.  But then tragedy struck again and she lost her only son.  In those days in Israel this would likely leave her destitute as well.  The story picks up in chapter seven of his gospel letter to Theophilus regarding what we believe and why.  He starts in verse 11 saying … “And it came to pass the day after, that he went into a city called Nain; and many of his disciples went with him, and much people. [verse 12] Now when he came nigh to the gate of the city, behold, there was a dead man carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow: and much people of the city was with her.”  This was a sad story.  And I am certain this woman did not lose her husband or her son without praying not to lose them.  Who knows if she was able to say goodbye or if death came and interrupted, like it usually does.

We go about our lives as if we were somehow guaranteed to have them.  But the truth is, our collective clocks tick on, at some point hitting that annoying buzzer that time is up.  At that moment, it does not matter if we were in a plane on the way to say goodbye.  We fell short.  It does not matter what was in our hearts for that person, the love we wanted to express.  They will no longer hear it.  At least not now.  The pain of this widow was shared by the town she lived in.  They stood by her in the funeral.  I hope the people in the Philippines where Sean’s wounded grandmother resides has the company of those she has gone to minister to, with her now in her time of need.  I hope they comfort his mother as well.  I hope his presence there softens the blow of so hard a loss.  But I understand why weeping is likely to be heard.  And I understand why it is hard to know an answer from God like “no”, when we know He is capable of miraculous other responses.  I would bet this woman of Luke’s day could equate.  But the story continues.

Luke continues in verse 13 saying … “And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.”  And here is where I hear the voice of the Lord in the ears of my family.  What we have perceived as a “no” is only a “not yet”.  We asked for healing.  One is coming.  We asked for a lack of pain.  Pain is to be no more.  We asked not to die.  We are to never experience or fear the shadow of death ever again.  And so our Lord says to us all, weep not.  In 2019, we lost someone, but at His second coming we will get them back.  And we will lose them, nevermore.  I am sure Theophilus had some idea of this in his day, just as you and I understand it in ours.  But this story was not a theoretical one.  This was a literal one.  Our Lord is not without compassion.  And His solution is life.

Luke continues in verse 14 saying … “And he came and touched the bier: and they that bare him stood still. And he said, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise. [verse 15] And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he delivered him to his mother.”  This is prelude.  This is the example story of what His second coming will look like for millions of people.  Jesus did not yank this poor son out of the bliss of heaven to return him to a world of sin once again.  No.  Instead Jesus simply woke this son up from the sleep of death, the same way Jesus will one day wake us all up from the sleep of death, to be reunited with our families, and our Lord.  This was kindness to both people, mother and son.  This was a declaration to me and my family that this “no” was really only a “not yet”.  And here is the prototype for what that coming day will look like once again, only better still.

The response of the people was somewhat less than I would have expected., imaging myself in the same situation.  Luke continues in verse 16 saying … “And there came a fear on all: and they glorified God, saying, That a great prophet is risen up among us; and, That God hath visited his people. [verse 17] And this rumour of him went forth throughout all Judaea, and throughout all the region round about.”  To return death to life is something only God can do.  Hard for that widow to imagine Jesus as anything other than God Himself in the form of His Son.  As for the dead son returned to life, he must have been confused to see this was not the final resurrection, only a temporary one.  Again, the answer was not “no” it was simply “not yet”.  But do you imagine that returned son had any doubt in his mind what the end of time would look like once again, only better.  That son had been through it once.  He had tasted the sleep of death and had been awoken from it.

My daughter and my adopted son can take hope in this.  Every one of us who looked like we got a “no”, maybe even a series of “no’s” can take hope in this.  I await the day when His compassion delivers me to my mother and father, my children to me and my wife, and all of us to the lap of His Father – to know a love we have never been able to fathom.  My family here is blessed with those who have chosen to be a part of it by choice, and so it expands.  Our family there will know this same phenomenon.  And every “not yet” will melt away as Jesus says it is finally time now.  What begins then ends all disappointment.  And the love that looks out for us beyond the scope of this world, will make clear why God’s timeline was different than our own.  And once we see it, we will confess we would never have chosen otherwise than what God has done for each of us – even if it looked like “no” in the here and now.  In the meantime, I will push my sadness and grief deeper into His compassion.  Like a two-year-old who has no other place to go than to a Dad whose answer they do not fully understand.  Trusting in His compassion, and His eternal love.  I yearn for the day when “not yet” turns to “welcome home”.

 

Ridiculous Faith [part 2 of 3] ...

Matthew continues to recount his story in act two of the three that compose it.  In the first act, a father has demonstrated a faith others are sure to call stupid, for what he asks of Jesus (to bring life back to the dead, even though this has never been done).  But now in act two, the journey towards the dead is well under way, and on it, something ridiculous occurs.  The History that sometimes acts as a razor against our beliefs finds a new character to widdle against.  A woman who has suffered with what is likely some form of hemophilia for more than 12 years has made her own determination of what must be done to find life and health.  She determines that Jesus is sure to be her cure.  She has seen him cure so many others.  She knows He can do it.

But this woman creates for herself an obstacle of unworthiness.  As she examines her own life, the decisions she has made, the sins she has committed, the filth of the condition of her disease; she determines she is unworthy to ask Jesus for healing.  She is embarrassed by the smell that must certainly accompany her presence.  She does not wish to be brought to Jesus by her friends, as she does not want others to be so intimate with her personage in such plight.  Besides, she can move.  She just finds herself disgusting.  And how many of us examine our lives, and our history of sins, and reach the same conclusion.  We too are disgusting.  We too have heaped so much sin and shame upon ourselves, we find that we are in no way worthy of the presence of God.  We do not deserve to ask Him for anything.  Even though we have seen Him act for others, we hold back our requests, believing our history is a barrier to His listening ear.  But it is our holding back that is the problem.  Self-created, but every bit real.

The woman of the story of Matthew, forgets, that ALL sin is disgusting to our God.  It is the poo He must wade through to pull you out of it.  And He does not hesitate to do the dirty work of reaching you, or the difficult work of pulling you through this pit to get you out of it.  The condition she finds herself in, is not something that Jesus would have held His nose against, turned away, and left her to suffer and die in.  It is the same condition He looks to relieve us all from.  The goal of mercy, is not to simply forgive, and then return you to the cesspit of your sins.  The goal of mercy, is to forgive you, and create within you a way out of the cesspit forever.  Jesus understands how bad sin is, and wants to redeem you from it anyway.  No matter how dirty the work for Jesus, it is still something He longs to do for you.  Your unworthiness will never be matched by His greater love for you.

But in this pit of despair and unworthiness the woman has created for herself, she has not lost hope altogether either.  Instead she comes up with a ridiculous idea.  She will remain anonymous.  She will move through the crowd quickly from behind, hopefully downwind, and will duck down and touch only the hem of His garment.  It is not the robe she needs, as even in this state, she attributes no special power to the clothing.  It is His contact with the clothing when she touches it, she imagines will do the trick.  She will do this ridiculous thing all because she fears to ask Him face-to-face to heal her.  She will do this ridiculous thing because she fears her own unworthiness.  How many barriers do we place upon ourselves that our God would never ask, because we allow our guilt to outmatch our opinions about the love of our God?

If this sounds like a ridiculous idea, it is.  If this sounds to you like it would never work, that, is another matter.  Matthew continues his recollection in chapter nine picking up in verse 20 saying … “And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:”  The crowds were moving.  The wind conditions were favorable.  There were so many people there, she would easily be able to “get lost” in all the faces.  No one would be paying attention to her.  She could enter from a side street, get low, touch the hem of his garment, and disappear back into the crowd, going home healed.

Matthew continues in verse 21 saying … “For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.”  Her plan in her mind made sense to her.  Her beliefs made sense to her, even if they never made sense to another living person on planet earth.  Here is where faith gets ridiculous, but does not go wrong.  Our relationship with Jesus is indeed a relationship, something that is one-on-one, not a group think exercise.  Was this doctrine of hers, this idea that she had, Biblically sound?  No.  Not really.  There is nothing in scripture about touching clothing to get healed, at least not until this story anyway.  Is this idea something the modern Christian churches continue to espouse?  No.  We have long since abandoned the idea of relics, that if you but touch them, something good happens spiritually.  Particularly because most relics are fakes.  And further Jesus does not say to His followers; here is my robe from last week, take this around and use it to heal people.  Jesus offers a Holy Spirit for that, which is much more effective anyway.

So, it is not that her doctrine is sound.  It is not.  It reflects a notion about unworthiness that is misplaced.  It discounts the love the Savior has for her (at least before the incident is over).  In summary you could say, she went forward with the wrong ideas, the wrong doctrine, but faith in the right God, in Jesus Christ.  Matthew continues in verse 22 saying … “But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.”  Her healing happens despite the ridiculous ideas of her faith, and self-imposed obstacles.  And as Jesus works with this woman, He begins to take steps to correct her thinking.  He stops the momentum of his trip cold.  The crowds stop.  He looks right at this woman, though other texts have Him first question aloud who touched Him.  His eyes burn with a love she could have never imagined.

When Jesus addresses her, it is not in the derogatory language she is sure she is worthy of.  He does not call her a dog, or pig, or disgusting piece of filth, which she has seen herself as, her entire life.  He does not look down on her in any way.  In fact, in one of the rarest times in scripture, He calls this woman, “daughter”.  Let that sink in folks.  Jesus Christ names this woman daughter.  A literal daughter of God.  Not just a figurative title, or sweet sounding family style inclusive word.  But a title that has deep meaning to it.  Especially to her.  In that tender word and tender address Jesus Christ shatters her ideas and self-created barriers about unworthiness.  He calls her daughter instead.  No matter what she has done, or smells like, or how she sees herself; Jesus sees this precious woman as His particular child and daughter.  He is on His way to resurrect the daughter of another father, but on His way, He stops to insure this daughter of His is resurrected as well.

Jesus shatters the ideas of unworthiness as a barrier for her and for us.  Her healing is the least of her blessings this day.  She moves from hopeful worshipper to grateful daughter.  Her testimony moves from theoretical ideas (some misplaced), to the personal testimony of a daughter of Christ.  No one will ever be able to shake that word out of her head.  It was personal.  It still is.  The beauty of this story is the absence of our influence on this woman.  Had this woman been a member of the modern Christian church, and confided her plan in us, we would have soundly condemned it.  Not for the unworthiness piece which most of us also contend with, but for the worshipping clothing piece which has no basis in scripture.  We would have wanted for this woman to subscribe to ALL of our ideas about God; BEFORE she went to God for herself.

We would have created for this person as big a gauntlet spiritually as she created for herself.  And most burdens just as ridiculous.  Even though her ideas were not perfect ahead of time, Jesus still reached out to her.  He rewarded her faith with healing.  Not to uphold the idea of cloth touching for health, but so that she knows He cares about her.  He destroyed her ideas about anonymity.  Instead He calls her out in front an entire crowd.  So that they ALL hear Him call her daughter, just as loudly as she hears it.  To the crowd it will mean less.  But to her it will mean everything.  Jesus adjusts her doctrine through methods that Jesus deems effective.  And you and I had nothing to do with it.  It was all Jesus, and it worked.

Why do we in the modern church, believe it is our duty to “correct” the misguided ideas of our peers, who also believe in Jesus.  Can’t Jesus do for them and for us, what He did for His daughter so many years ago?  Jesus is effective at changing minds and hearts.  You and I suck at it.  If my friends from another denomination are wrong about something, let’s let Jesus sort that out for them.  If we are wrong about something, let’s let Jesus sort that out for us.  What works, is devout faith in Jesus.  What does not work, is devout faith in our interpretations of scripture.  That is what the Pharisees had, and they were all as sure about it as we are today.  So sure, they missed Jesus and love entirely.  And when you look around the modern Christian church, we are as certain about doctrine, and as lean with our love as they were.

An incorrect idea, or doctrine, can be corrected by Jesus Christ.  If it is a problem for us, you can bet Jesus will be motivated to fix it.  And if it is not a problem, Jesus is probably not too worried about it.  So then, why are we?  Love is what Jesus demonstrated that day, that ultimately undid the mistaken ideas.  Jesus shows her that she personally matters to Him.  He stops an entire procession to prove it.  He calls her out to prove it.  He calls her daughter to make sure she knows it.  He gives her a gift that will ever be ringing in her ears.  He gives her a testimony she will be retelling everyone for as long as she draws breath.  She worships Him not because she has to; or some pastor tells her to, or because it is that time of the week in that time of the service.  She worships Him, because her heart brakes with the gratitude of knowing Daddy.  She loves her Daddy, and does not grow tired of anyone else knowing Him too.

It was a ridiculous faith.  But it was grounded in Jesus Christ.  And whether it was ridiculous or not, it found a way to receive the love of Jesus Christ, up close and personal to her.  What is the level of ridiculous you are willing to risk to see Jesus Christ love you one-on-one?

And the play has one more act for the finale …

 

Adopted & Extended Family ...

My kingdom for a sense of belonging: how often we would trade our success as the world measures it for a place and a people we could truly call home. The embrace of evil has left many scars upon our world and our relationships. Death, disease, accidents have claimed lives of family members, left spouses alone to raise who remains, or parted siblings from each other. The loss of love and refusal to submit to Christ has torn marriages apart and left wounded souls moving from pain to pain. But in the chaos there is still hope. In the darkness there is still light. Our condition is not our destiny, we are called to something more and something deeper.

Family is often defined through accident of birth. Since my mother and father conceived me, I am their child, and so on with my children. But family of blood bonds is not the only measure, and sometimes not even the strongest. We are all descendants, and we are all adopted. We descend from Adam and Eve and are all part of the human family by blood. But greater than this we are ALL adopted by Christ into His family unit with God through His grace and love and ransom paid for our redemption. Christ called us more than servants He called us friends. He was not ashamed to call those who believe in Him, “His brothers”. We are family with Christ by His gift enabling it, and our choice confirming it. The bonds of family by choice then are sometimes greater than those of blood.

Our Christianity is not the only example of families forged by choice. Marriage itself is a union of diverse blood lines and genealogies. The Bible speaks of a man leaving his mother and a woman leaving her home to become “one flesh”. It is the formation or extension of a new family through the choice made to bond with God in love forever. And over a lifetime, not even a parent can claim to love their own child greater than the love one devoted spouse reliant upon God can do. The love inside a union made perfect by God is the strongest love known to us. Only a spouse can know someone to this level of intimacy. And this love was one of choice, just as the one to be saved by Christ is.

So how do we honor our adoption into the family of Christ? Do we guard the gates, close and bar the doors, and see to it no one else like us is ever permitted to enter again into our new family unit? It sometimes looks this way to the world. It is what happens when we internalize the love we have been shown rather than manifest it outwards, back to the world where it is needed. Sometimes it is our inclination to take our forgiveness, and our love from God, and go isolate ourselves away from the world. We mistakenly think this will protect us from evil influences. But it does not. Rather it teaches us a lesson of selfishness even with what is freely given of God to us. We become standard-bearers rather than lovers of lost souls. It is backwards, and it is mistaken. We should reflect the love God has shown us. We should embrace our forgiveness, let go our shame, and face the world renewed to make it better not worse.

It is possible to love someone like a brother without ever being related by birth or by marriage. It is possible to love a mother who does not come from a bloodline you are connected to. It is possible to honor them, to cherish them, to forgive them as they have need, and to call them to remembrance of where all love can be found. It is possible to extend our ideas of adoption well past the concept of only taking in a child without parents into our lives. While the formal adoption process for taking in children may be the highest calling of Christians demonstrating love for the world, the second highest calling may be in the taking in of others through a less formal process. When we adopt a grandmother for instance who has little family, or is shown little attention, we do no less an honorable thing.

When eyes have been opened by the liberating power of Christ removing evil from our character and our behavior, we see need more acutely than we did before. Hearts are touched by infirmity that were once willfully ignorant of suffering all around us. Christians have a unique ability to see through the eyes of Christ and meet needs of those He leads us to encounter. We need not constrain our ideas of relationships to merely friends, but as Christ did, we can elevate people to the status of immediate family by simply willing to do so. We can “adopt” siblings, parents, and children into our core family units making room in our hearts for even more love to reign. Our cup will surely run over in so doing. You will discover what it means to love on a level you can only dream about today, when you are willing to share more of yourself with more people who have need of you.

This is not intended to dilute a marital relationship. We do not seek to add more spouses to our mix. For there can be only one of these if we are to honor our union with man and God. But we do not often confuse parental love with romantic, nor do we often crave the romantic embrace of a sister. Keeping away the impurities Satan would introduce and focusing only on the Love God would have us embrace, allows us to expand our concept of family to a much broader picture, and more accurate one. For in heaven, we will all call each other by our familial names. If you and I have never met, through Christ we are made brothers. When I encounter you in heaven, you will already be my brother. I will already feel for you, what I feel for my brothers by blood, and my brothers by choice. We will together have found a place of belonging.

One fear a parent may have in adopting another child into an existing family unit, is how the other siblings will react. When our attention seems diverted to the hurting who have great needs, sometimes others who still need us as well can feel abandoned or neglected. To avoid this, we must involve them in the sharing of love. We must make them part of the solution of meeting the needs of others themselves and not try to take the entire burden upon our own shoulders. As we share the work of love, we lighten our own loads, and create a vested interest in success across an entire family, rather than resting in the hands of only one person.

While it may be difficult to think about, the same process of sharing burdens needs to be applied when a family member becomes seriously ill, or is lost to death. These occurrences were not supposed to be something we must contend with, but with evil comes the pain of evil, and the loss it can inevitable cause even through no fault of your own. When confronting tragedy, it is not time to cover up, it is time to open up. Feelings should be shared, emotions let out, and responses respected. We should not try to force someone to react the same way we do. But we should try to employ them in the work of showing love and support to others who remain with needs. This work of reaching out, even when suffering inside continues can act as healing to all. Both the hurting one who shares can be healed, as well as the target of their efforts.

Who can know your pain, or your joy more than your family? Who accepts you for who you are more than your family? Our families know us, and love us in spite of our shortcomings. We need wear no mask when facing our families, as they would only see it anyway. There is no need to cover who we are when dealing with family, as they have shown us love in spite of that already. This is the advantage of family over friendships and acquaintances. There can be deeper love in a family. There can be more intimate love in a family.

Before a Christian casually calls a stranger a “brother”, they should consider the ramifications of what they are saying. Are you ready to loan your newly met “brother” $5,000 on nothing but a handshake? Are they free to come stay in your home, eat from your table, and have you look out for them until they die of old age? Some say they would not do this for their blood relatives, why would they consider doing this for merely a “Christian Brother?” I submit there is no difference between the two, and what Christ has already done for us is greater than anything I just listed. The early Christian church did exactly what I described above. They took it a step further and sold everything they owned of value and donated every cent to the church for distribution across the family, as the family had need. This church was symbolized with white for its purity. Seems our symbolic coloring has dimmed a few shades since then. I fear we look more like death, or perhaps worse, like mediocrity.

It takes trust to open oneself up to the world. Not trust in the world, but trust in Christ that our lives will go according to His plan. We may lose our wealth in expanding our ideas of family. The needs may simply overtake our ability to provide for them. If this is our lot, count yourself blessed. For it is Christ that holds ALL of our needs. We may lose our ideas of privacy by expanding our ideas of family. But if this is so, count yourself blessed. For what we lose in privacy we gain back many times in love shared with those in need. We were not put here on earth to be wealthy and alone. We were put here to love and to be known for how much we love. When we submit our wills to Christ, the great adventure of loving begins. I pray it takes hold of our hearts, and allows us to finally truly become one family.