The Price of Devotion ...

The one thing all of us hold on to with everything we have is our life.  We do not look forward to death and try to postpone that eventuality as long as possible.  It is human nature.  It is the nature of life itself.  Life was meant to be lived.  It was meant to be eternal.  But the embrace of sin introduced pain, and eventually death.  Things God did not intend for us; knowledge we were never supposed to know.  Pain and death were supposed to be mysterious concepts we might discuss in perfection, having no idea what they meant, but trying to guess at them.  Instead, humanity has a first-hand knowledge of both pain and death.  And mortality itself drives us to postpone our eventualities as long as possible.  The irony in all of this, is that when pain or death overtake us, we have the nerve to call these tragedies “the will of God” (that would be the definition of fake news).  It is as if we stole those words of blaming God from the mouth of Satan himself.  It is not God to blame for any of this.  We shoulder that blame.  Nor is it His will that any should suffer or die, it is sin that introduces those eventualities; the diseases that come, the wars that are fought, the acts of violence and accident that take lives and limbs.  None of it, the will of God.  All of it, God must stomach like the rest of us, for sin cannot be driven away through edict, or free-will would be swept away with it.

But when we discuss life and death, we should examine the word “life” as much as we discuss death.  Is it “life” when pain still exists?  Or is that really just existence?  Think of the life of someone who has been abused so horrifically they have lost their mental faculties, and now repeat things without reason, act in ways that are self-destructive, and find themselves lost, homeless, and unable to understand what you are saying to them or trying to do for them.  Add the self poisoning of drugs and chemical destruction to the mix.  Can we still call living in this kind of depraved condition, a real life, or is this just some form of existence?  God does not will this.  God has something else in mind, so great, this poor and afflicted person could not comprehend it even for a moment.  We can hardly imagine it.  How could a mind so degraded begin to understand it?  We would look with extreme pity on such a soul.  We would ask ourselves how we could help, and come away only sharing simple human kindness, and praying for intervention against the sin and Satan of this world.

The poor and depraved, and mentally degraded person I describe, is not some random homeless on the street; it is you, and it is me.  We are homeless as this world the way it is, is NOT our home.  We wander through a wasteland cursed by our own sin.  We have no idea what our real home is going to look like, and why the greatest mansion on earth today is a poo-poo hill, next to what the smallest shack in heaven will look like.  But we don’t know that world, so we begin to value the poo we have, while angels hold their noses and wonder how this is possible.  And we have been abused by the nature of our sinful choices.  We develop habits, repeating things over and over that do not make any sense, and work to our own self harm.  Yet we seem powerless to stop this self-destructive behavior.  We go around muttering things like “we have to look out for number one”, and other slogans of self-empowerment, when the pursuit of happiness only leads us further into misery.  We are diseased.  We are afflicted with genetic degradation that makes us incapable of understanding what perfection and eternity really look like.  It is the core of who we are, our characters, that are so engrained in these diseases, that there is only one cure for them – to die – and to be reborn, or re-created by Jesus Christ.

But as our mortality drives us to postpone physical death; our engrained characters are none too happy to die either.  We may understand that what Jesus will re-create in us might be great; but we are comfortable with who we are now, and unsure, or unwilling to let that go.  So what is the true price of devotion to Christ?  Is it willingness to let who we are go, and to be reborn?  Perhaps this is what it means to die to self.  Peter thought he was ready for it.  He wasn’t.  Matthew tells the story of their shame in chapter 26 of his gospel picking up in verse 31 saying … “Then saith Jesus unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad.”  Yikes.  Each and every one of the disciples, the followers of Christ, the devoted ones – were to be “offended” by Jesus Christ that night.  Shocked by His actions (or rather inaction) in the face of death.  Unable to understand that death must come, in order for rebirth to occur.  Or perhaps like us, unwilling to let our understanding go, in favor of accepting an understanding only He can give us.

But Jesus was not done with His prophesying.  Jesus continues in verse 32 saying … “But after I am risen again, I will go before you into Galilee.”  Death was coming.  There was no way to avoid it.  Because of sin, death became an eventuality, even for Jesus – especially for Jesus – in order that life might come for us.  A return to the meaning of life as God intended it.  Not just existence, but life.  A removal of the fog of our diseased thinking, and an instillation of the clarity of His thinking in its place.  Prior to transformation this is very hard to understand.  But our God does give each of us a glimpse through the fog, enough that we are free enough, to make this choice without the burden of our sin weighing down the outcome.  We are given the freedom of mind to choose His love, or to reject it.  But make no mistake, without the intervention of our God to bring us up to parity to choose; sin would rob us of our free-will and make deranged slaves of us all.  It is the outcome many choose in spite of a moment’s clarity to choose Jesus.  The price of our devotion to Christ may lead to our death.  But the price of rejecting His love only buries us in an existence of pain, while doing nothing to avoid the death that will one day take us all.

And as for the death of “who” we are.  This is a death we should long for.  It is the trading of deranged existence for the restoration of what a real life means.  Your diseased mind cannot comprehend it while it remains diseased.  You need the power of His transformation of who you are, to free your thinking, so that you can begin to see the difference between existence and life, between fake happiness, and deep personal joy, that none can take away.  It is as Jesus foretold, He would die, but would NOT stay in the grave.  He would “go before” them into Galilee, only a first of many encounters we would all have with a risen Lord.  It is important to understand Jesus as our creator, because as our creator, He is able to recreate a real life in us.  Once we allow Him to make that change, the path to real understanding begins.  It may not be instantaneous, but it is certain.  It begins with letting go.  Letting go of the “life” we think we have built.  And accepting that His offer gives us “life” we could not have even imagined before.  It is trading the fake wealth of this world, for the poo it really was, and finding the real treasure of this world, in the hearts of others.

But Peter saw none of this.  He had yet to be transformed.  He had yet to allow it.  So he answered in verse 33 saying … “Peter answered and said unto him, Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended.”  Peter said in effect, even if all these other bums are offended, I won’t be, cause I am special.  Here is where pride took over reason.  Pride a symptom of original sin and capable of making us blind to what is truly important.  Only moments before in the last supper Jesus told them one of them was going to betray Him, and ALL of them, including Peter, was forced to ask, “is it me”.  Now having seemed to escape that prophecy we run head long into opposing the words of Christ, for nothing more than our ego.  While at the same time, essentially saying, I am greater than these other guys, even if “they” fall, I WILL NOT.  And how many times have you gotten up from your sin, begging the Lord for forgiveness you do not deserve, and then make the empty promise that “YOU” will not sin anymore.  A promise history will demonstrate YOU have broken, every single time.

It is not His forgiveness that is broken, it is your ability to keep any promise you make.  Stop it.  Quit making the presumption of arrogance that you are able to choose to sin no more.  Instead, in humility accept that only Jesus can take the desire of sin from you in the first place.  It is the victory of Jesus in you, that can remove your sin, NOT what you do or don’t do.  It is what Jesus does.  You need only to get out of the way, and let yourself slip away, let Him decide “who” you are to be.  Let your sinful desires die in the hands of Christ, and let your new desires be reborn or re-created.  Peter has decided here, in error, that Peter will decide what Peter will do in the future.  And Peter will not be offended no matter what the Savior of the world has just said.  Imagine the arrogance of such a statement, in defiance of what Jesus has said.  Instead of this proclamation of false victory Peter was sure to experience.  He might of said, “Lord forgive me”, and take this thing from me.  But alas, reason is blinded by the disease of pride.

Jesus responds in verse 34 saying … “Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.”  Peter thought his devotion to Christ was beyond question.  It was not.  While Peter clung to the ideas of “who” he was, he allowed sin a foothold in him, that led to this unfortunate series of events.  The real price of absolute devotion to Christ, is to put our lives in His hands, no matter what happens to our lives.  But by far, NOT just our physical lives – rather more importantly, the lives we think we have built – the core of who we are – our characters.  Letting our character die in the hands of Christ, letting all sin go, not just some of it, or part of it, but all of it – even if that means I will not recognize who I am anymore.  That is rather the point.  The point is to not recognize who you are anymore, because the new version of you that Jesus creates will be so enormously better.  And the current you cannot understand that, until it is willing to let go, to die, and to be reborn for real.

But Trump and Peter have more in common than we might have first thought.  Matthew continues with Peter’s response in verse 35 saying … “Peter said unto him, Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. Likewise also said all the disciples.”  Peter doubled down.  If Trump could only read these passages, how much better might his presidency be.  But alas Peter doubled down, because his pride was now in question, and pride blinds us to reason.  Instead of being humbled by this further pronouncement of Jesus, Peter decides to argue with it again, and this time to raise the stakes.  Peter is now pledging his physical life, long before he has allowed Jesus to remake him fully.  How can you promise to sacrifice your physical life, if you have been unwilling to sacrifice even the life of your character which does not require you to physically die to do it?  You make promises against human nature, despite being aligned with human nature.  Only the transformed heart understands the true nature of “life” and could ever be comfortable with sacrificing it here, to preserve it in the world to come.  The death of “what” we are, is not what our Lord asks, He asks for the death of “who” we are.

And as I imagine what must happen in Trump’s cabinet when he makes a decision, the others follow suit, also proclaiming that they support this very same idea.  The other disciples also pledge upon pain of death, that they too, will not be offended.  None of them broken as yet, but all of them heading towards that end.  For their own pride’s have arisen in them to blind them to humility, and to walk a different road.  What might it have been like if instead of this outrageous mumbling against the Word of the Lord, they might have dropped to the feet of Jesus and begged forgiveness for this thing, begging to have it taken from them as ONLY Jesus could do.  To be wiling to have no pride, to be willing to embrace humility in front of those you love, and those you don’t.  That is the mark of a transformed heart, and the evidence of what true devotion might look like.  But Matthew condemns himself in his own writings, that he too, was unwilling to submit, but rather when it counted the most, stood against our Lord and His counsel.

So many of us modern Christians claim devotion to Christ.  But that devotion is built upon our own ideas of what devotion means.  We are like our disciple forefather before their transformations.  We are devoted when it is convenient.  When we sacrifice for the cause, we see it as sacrifice, not as opportunity to serve.  When asked if we would give our lives for Christ, we say with pride “yes”.  But the life we mean is our physical life, as the life of our character has yet to be put upon His altar.  We have not allowed Jesus to change who we are yet; and despite this, we pledge to give Him what we are.  Some of us have mild experiences with Jesus, perhaps the removal of one sin, or impact in one problem area.  Yet despite the example of how it works, we keep plugging along fighting our sins ourselves, declaring our promises not to do it again.  And finding ourselves on our knees after we fail just one more time.  And then again.  And again.  Until our sins are beyond counting.

It is our promises that need to die.  It is our certainty we should let go.  Instead, we should turn to Jesus and in humility, ask Him to take this thing from us.  And watch what He does, when you get out of the way.  Jesus did not come, so that your personal knowledge of sin, pain, and death, would remain eventualities for you.  He came to change your paradigm.  He came to disrupt who you are.  He came to take from you, the disease that keeps you mired in pathetic existence; and instead offer you life, and life more abundantly.  The price of devotion is no “price” at all, when transformation is what you experience.  You may not see it clearly yet, but you can, you will, you need only go to Jesus in humility and ask, Lord forgive me, take this thing from me, and then sit back, let go, and watch what happens.  Become witness in your own testimony to what Jesus does for you.  Afterwards you will understand, what for now, your mind may not comprehend.  But it can begin here, begin now, and you can finally see what life looks like.