Eli Stone ...

ABC broadcasting launched a new show last year that developed enough of a fan base to see its second season begin again this year.  The show titled “Eli Stone” is set in San Francisco, its principle hero is a lawyer at a prestigious though unscrupulous law firm, who suddenly begins getting strange and unusual “visions”.  Each vision though unusual, seems to have some logic and a predictive quality to it, and against better judgment Eli begins to alter his actions based on the insight he receives.  The first season had the classic story line; is merely a delusion based on a brain tumor, or is it in fact a message from God?  The second season begins by answering that question.  It’s God.

Shows with a decidedly spiritual aspect have never really seen the prime time spot of a major network before.  And it is of particular interest that ABC also has prime time dramas that deal with all manner of family issues, personal issues, morality issues, and even a few offerings depicting the struggles of living an openly “gay” lifestyle.  The gay thing, and the Christian thing, would appear to have quite different demographics when looking for an audience, so is this ABS trying to offer something for everyone, or is it perhaps even more profound?

What interests me the most about the show Eli Stone is the writing.  Oh sure the character is fictional, but the study of the life of a prophet seems dead-on.  The visions he begins to have, are NOT clear cut.  They make little logical sense.  They rely on imagery, or musical themes, not clear mandates.  And his embracing them costs him personally.  He loses his reputation, even has his sanity questioned.  Those closest to him reject this new phenomenon, it takes a stranger to help him further understand it.  The messages go against prevailing logic.  Think about that one for a moment.  The messages go against prevailing logic. 

It would be easier to ignore them.  It would be far better for him personally to ignore them.  It will not only cost him most everything he values to pursue them, his only return will be helping those in need.  Only a handful are going to be positively affected by him pursuing his visions.  The money lost to his firm and himself because of them is staggering. 

The Bible is full of biographies of prophets the Lord called to His service.  Most every story looks just like Eli Stone.  But TV being what it is; it has the power to put you into the story of the protagonist.  You see the subtlety you might otherwise miss when reading the scriptures.  You see the personal struggle the prophet must deal with.  You see the rejection, and realize it is not just from those he may be trying to help, but from those who are supposed to love him the most.  You begin to see the greater good has a cost, and is not free of charge for us.  When we do what is right, we sometimes pay that cost in things of value to ourselves.

Another interesting dimension to Eli Stone is his imperfection.  He is not perfect.  Is not a man of faith or religion per se.  He had no ambitions to save the world.  He had an otherwise fatal aneurism condition from which a side effect was hallucinations.  His medical condition could easily explain his phenomenon.  There is a logical alternative to messages from God.  So why believe?  He did want this calling, took a while to come to grips with it, and knows he would be happier without it.  But he has finally accepted it.  Sounds like Jonah, Joseph, Moses, Daniel, you name the Biblical patriarch, are they not all the same.

Eli Stone is not real.  It is a show on ABC.  It is designed to sell soap, cars, food, and whatever else an advertiser is willing to pay for.  But the subtlety of the message is real none the less.  Doing good, is not a natural act.  Very often, doing the right thing, is the same as doing the hard thing.  The easy way, is seldom the right way.  But the right way, is always the better way.  No matter what the pain level of doing the right thing in the short term, over the long term it is always less painful to do good.  This truth is one that evil would hide from our eyes.  This truth we are meant to be distracted away from.  We are told to rationalize our values, to be expedient, to compromise principle, and be “realistic” about our expectations.  All the vain words of evil, to prevent us from the blessing of good.

Eli Stone is not real.  But is the calling he receives any less real than it was in the days of Moses, or Joseph, or Jonah, or Christ?  Our God desires to communicate with us much more fully that we understand.  He wants to speak directly to our hearts, our minds, and our ears.  He wants to be clearly understood, as so much of the work of evil is bent on distorting His messages, and perverting His truths.  This week I heard a news story on CNN about a group of churches/preachers who are actually teaching that if Barak Obama is elected, it will herald the apocalypse.  They are using hate, and fear, in the name of our God, to justify a teaching that is completely based on lies, bias, and ignorance.  They teach the greatest of lies, as they teach them in the name of the God of truth, when no truth comes from their lips.  God would have us hear His words, not the words of hate mongers.

So why do we hear from God so little?  Why does it become a rare thing to see or hear about an Eli Stone?  Because in our quest for survival and success, we focus ourselves only on things that facilitate our goals – not on things that lie directly in front of our eyes.  Our prayers are one-way requests, with no time left for a response.  We come to expect God to answer us in actions, not in words.  But even then our eyesight sometimes fails to interpret His answers in His actions.

The ancient Israelites had stones, one for yes, one for no; that glowed upon asking for God’s guidance.  Wish I knew where we put them.  It sure would be nice to be able to get clear guidance just by looking at the glow in a rock, rather than have to take deliberate time out to listen.  My vision is bad.  So is my hearing.  Apparently so is my patience.  I long for glowing rocks and clear direction, instead of delays that forge trust, and maintain dependence.  I wish I knew the clear cut will of God, rather than like Eli, have to show faith and act without evidence, move without reassurance, take action knowing there will be personal consequences.  But it is not ease that will build my faith, it is uncertainty.  Not knowing, is the furnace in which I will be tested.  Moving ahead in spite of the prevailing logic, will result in assurance, not be preceded by it.

Not everything on television is filth.  Not everything is bad news.  Nothing is complete truth.  But I applaud ABC for taking a bold risk in offering a show with redemptive themes, and spiritual insight.  I applaud the writers of Eli Stone for giving such an insight into the life, calling, and trials (pardon the pun) of a prophet.  I hope the show is able to continue the good work it has started.  I hope its themes of good over evil, standing in the face of adversity, learning humility despite great ability, and overcoming doubt can continue.  I am pleased at the progress of the storyline and so far would gladly recommend it as regular fare for live viewing, the DVR, or over the Internet – whichever is your preference.  It’s nice to find some clarity amidst all the distractions …

Forty Days ...

These days it seems you can’t turn on the television without watching some news pundit discussing why anyone who believes in the story of Noah and ark as real must be an idiot.  Worse yet, there are many purported Christians who agree with this story as nothing more than an allegory about justice and mercy.  Since a worldwide flood seems contrary to modern science, would it not be prudent for people of ‘faith’ to discount this story in order to otherwise maintain their credibility with those who have not yet found God?

Let’s face it, the world is full of nut balls.  People who more closely resemble a cartoon character than a real person.  And where you find nut balls, you find ‘religious’ nut balls.  It seems religion can serve as a key motivator for nut balls to get all life-and-death about their hair brained schemes.  From fanatical Muslims who kill thousands of innocents on 9/11 in the name of religion, to fanatical Christians who thought it prudent to kill millions of Muslims, Jews, and Protestants for more than a thousand years during the ‘dark ages’.  Religious nut balls sure get the press for violent behavior.  Noah’s story stays within this pattern, in fact his story tends to top them all.  An entire planet wiped clean for ‘religious’ reasons?

With as much hatred and death carried out in the name of God as has been done in our world, it is no wonder the skeptics dismiss all people of faith in a broad brush.  For the skeptics, anyone who actually believes in the literacy of the Bible falls into the dangerous nut ball category.  The Bible is full of death after all, no wonder people who believe in its literacy try to carry out half baked ideas of destruction.  This is an unfortunate fact, the people inclined to be nut balls, like to claim orders from God, when in point of fact, God has NOTHING to do with it.

But if we can discard the true nut balls for a minute, a careful reading of the Bible shows the love and mercy of God, not a reason to war, fight, kill, or condemn.  As to its literacy, Noah seems like the biggest target.  Rain for forty days and nights; animals cooped up in a big boat; the whole earth wiped out; what’s not to love?  By the way, people like to remember that animals went into the ark two by two, but in point of fact, animals designated as clean to eat went into the ark in groups of seven.  Of course escalating the number of animals in the big boat only makes the problem worse for the skeptics.

On the surface this looks like one of the more wild and crazy stories the Bible could tell.  It is an obvious target for the scientific community, although speaking strictly scientifically, the theory of a worldwide flood has both supporting and non-supportive evidence.  It has never been categorically disproven, nor proven to exist.  There are phenomenon in nature that a worldwide flood would explain, as well as some that would tend to disallow it.  In science, there are unanswered questions, just as in the Bible.

So why not allow for Christians to write this particular story off as a possible allegory?  The real problem is consistency isn’t it?  If one of the fantastic stories in the Bible is a mere allegory, then perhaps might there not be another?  I mean get real for a second, if a worldwide flood seems farfetched, how about the entire creation in 7 days thing?  That one must be an allegory too under this logic.  And while we are on the topic, crossing the red sea seems a bit much.  Maybe we can confine our allegory writer to Moses.  He wrote all those stories for us.

But then let’s not get too stingy with allegories in the old testament, the new testament must be full of them as well.  I mean, common on, a virgin birth (that one has to go).  Next up, raising the dead, and resurrection followed by ascension, that seems even more farfetched than Noah if you ask me.  Noah has no witnesses, these new testament stories would have hundreds, maybe thousands who might have seen this stuff.  Where do you finally draw the line?

If you took out all the miracles contained in the Bible, eliminated all the prophesies, all the fantastic, and left the rest what do you have – a recipe for loving others.  No reason for it, just treat others good, not sure why.  After all, if you discount the literacy of the Bible, you discount the literacy of God Himself, or of any god for that matter.  If we are going to treat the Bible as a Chinese menu from which we can pick and choose what to believe and what to write off as nut ball material, we wind up with a custom view of our own morality, complete with all our own short comings.  There remains no objective standard to measure morality against as each man reads and decides for himself what to believe (if anything) and what to ignore (likely most everything).  Why is this a problem?

John Lennon posed the question, imagine there is no heaven, no hell, no religion and suggested the results would be people living for today; as if that would be a good thing.  Lest you believe in the better nature of man, turn on the news.  It is filled daily with stories of self interest.  The self interest manifests itself in murder, greed, power mongering, you name it.  Someone always benefits from every story on the news, that person is simply “living for today”.  The discipline of morality constrains man from killing everything in his path on a daily basis.

But beyond the scare tactics of avoiding fires in the after life, there is a much better reason for maintaining the God we serve in our thinking and culture.  Our God is the only one who loved his creation so much He was willing to die for it.  The entire story of the Bible is one of reconciliation with a God who does all the work to save us from our own mistakes and misdeeds.  Yes even Noah fits this category.  The Bible paints the picture of a God who was willing to give up His throne ruling the entire universe to come to this world of hate, and live like one of us.  To be tempted and tried like one of us.

Forty days and nights.  First instance spent in rain on the earth.  The second instance spent in the desert sun with no food or water – this is what Christ endured physically before Satan came to tempt him.  It would take this for Christ to be weak enough from His human condition to make His physical weakness susceptible to temptation.  He was starving and the first thing offered to Him was food.  Then a test of his ‘faith’.  Then an offer of worldwide dominion without the need of His own death, an easy way out so to speak.  No sale.  Forty days of starvation had not starved His mind enough to submit to temptations we would jump on board with, in a moment’s notice, with no real external motivation of any kind.  This is the picture of the God we serve, described in the literacy of the Bible.

A skeptic dismissing the Bible is understandable to me.  It is unfortunate, but understandable.  To lack faith in anything is simply sad.  But a purported Christian to discount things they do not fully understand in the Bible is tantamount to nut ball if you ask me.  The nature of faith, is to accept what you cannot fully or scientifically explain as still being true.  It is acting on the basis on belief.  This is what faith is.  To discount Noah, you might as well discount everything.  After all once you prove God is a liar, don’t you pretty much have to throw out everything He says as suspect.  That is simply logical.  And it is why Noah’s story is marginalized as a mere allegory.  This is nothing more however than nice words that translated mean – God must have lied.

It takes faith to believe in Noah, an ark, forty days of rain or of temptation in a desert.  It takes faith to believe that a God exists, that He loves you, and has provided a means of salvation to you.  But the skeptic has to have faith as well.  He must believe that men emerged from monkeys, who came from mammals, who came from organic organisms, who came from hydrogen atoms that bonded together, exploded, and somehow created a spark of life that to this day we cannot reproduce.  Oh yes, the skeptic scientific supporter can clone, but not reanimate.  We can copy life but not create it.  His faith is in logic and what can be explained even though science admits it cannot explain a great many things as well.  Things that a faith in God and the Bible as being literal might answer, but go figure.

So the real question is not whether you have faith, but what you put your faith in.  It sounds logical, easy, and intelligent to say you put your trust in science.  But I would argue that it is still faith, and the result of that choice robs one of the meaning of existence.  I would rather put my faith in a loving God who not only has intimate plans for me, but teaches me the meaning in self-less-ness not in self-interest.  Strict evolution would have us kill each other for the strong to survive.  Strict Christianity would have us serve each other and find real meaning in the act of disinterested benevolence.  Which world would you rather live in?

100% ...

Everything.  100%.  Perfect.  Words that are found less and less in this world.  We rarely see debates resolved with 100% agreement from both parties.  We hardly ever find the perfect tomato in the grocery store.  And no-one gives everything for anything these days, but perhaps Olympic athletes in elite competitions.  Why has the culture of “some” taken over from those who used to think it wise to “give it all”?

This week saw the wrap up of the Democratic convention.  In a magnanimous gesture, Hillary Clinton moved to have Barak Obama accepted as the nominee by acclamation.  She did NOT have to do this.  She had already given her endorsement speech and it was brilliant.  Everyone already respects her, and those that will vote the ticket have already made the decision to do so.  So why offer this olive branch well after defeat?  Why choose to give even more, when more is no longer even expected?  This is the mark of true character.  Character is revealed in the dark times not in the joyous ones.  And she went above and beyond with this move, making an historic event, even more historic.  She has given it all, for the sake of her belief in this country.  Like her, or hate her, you have to admit this was an act of grace in defeat.

Right after Christ departed this world ascending back to join His Father, the early Christian church was small, young, and energetic.  They pooled their money together.  Not just their cash, but their food, their land, their livestock, even their clothing.  They formed what would now be known as a collective.  And the church used the proceeds to take care of its members, and fund mission trips to other cities to spread the gospel and grow the movement.  These early pioneers thought nothing of giving EVERYTHING they owned to the work.  Their time, their skills, their labor, their savings, their money, and when persecution for their beliefs came – they gave up their lives – singing.  My goodness what a contrast to the “believers” of today!  We couch potatoes can hardly be bothered to wake up early to get to church once a week on time.  The thought of selling our homes, our cars, our things, and giving every red cent to the church is no longer a sign of devotion – it is grounds for forced commitment on the basis of insanity.

What changed?  Is it just the passing of time?  Is it that the church as an institution is plagued with all the crime, perversion, and misdeeds of the world so that making this gesture would be pointless now?  Is it that none of us have spent any face-to-face time with Christ and we live so long since He was here that we have lost faith and passion?  Or is it just something else?

We seem to suffer from a condition of general apathy where nothing much moves us.  We choose not to feel too much, choose not to love too much, so that inevitably we do not hurt too much.  In part it is a coping mechanism.  But it is also a barrier to really living.  And it is not just limited to our emotional expressions, it infects our general character.  We do not run when we can walk.  We do not struggle if we can avoid it.  We seek ease, consistency, and routine.  We work, but most, only as hard as we need to in order to survive.  Where it comes to challenges to do more with ourselves and our lives we pause.  This is the state we exist in, one of pause.  We ponder our next move for a while, anxious not to make the wrong one.  We consider the cost of our move, the consequences, the amount of energy it will require.  Then move only as we are required to do.  We couch our hesitancy in cynicism, but call it pragmatism.

We reason that no one is expected to give 100% anymore to anything.  Marriages are 50:50 propositions.  Tithe is only 10%.  Taxes even at the high end are no more than 38%.  Sales tax much less than that.  Even the government understands it cannot take 100% of your money, or your time, or …  We expect 100% effort only from our athletes in the games we watch, but almost never play ourselves.  We may issue platitudes in the office of demanding 110% of our employees, but management never matches this level of commitment, and remains stunned that employees do the same.  No, we live in an age of lowered expectations.  We are all guilty of it.  We all participate in it.  And the disease is incredibly infectious.

But what would our lives look like, if we chose to change and become 100% type people?  What if we began by choosing to love full-out, at 100%, nothing held back, nothing held in reserve, face to the wind and ignore the torpedoes.  What if we gave our wife, our husband, our partner 100% of our lives.  The world would not know how to respond.  Indeed our loved ones would not know how to respond, being they probably have never seen this kind of thing from us before.  But what if.  Forgetting their response, what would giving 100%, giving it all, giving everything do to us?  What if the difference between squandering life and living life is about the difference between how you live today and living at 100%.

Scripture wisely advises that whatever you find to do, do it 100%.  God says he prefers hot or cold as opposed to lukewarm.  He can deal with hot or cold.  He can deal with people who are committed.  People who give it all.  That nut Saul was living as he believed the right way to do, literally killing Christians for their beliefs.  He killed us, in the name of God.  But he was not left to die, a Christian killer.  He was brought to the truth on the road to Damascus and became a 100% Christian – the even nuttier kind that writes entire volumes of the Bible itself.  He did not stop being a 100% guy, he just got turned around and pointed in the right direction.

Ever wonder where the Paul’s are in this generation?  Where is our Moses?  The concept of giving it all has been abandoned in our churches.  The widow who gave 2 mites as it was ALL she had, is admired, then forgotten by our folks and our families.  We leave the sermon and re-engage in “real” life never even considering giving more than we have already – let alone giving it all.  It takes trust to give it all.  It takes faith to give it all.  And it takes giving it all if we are ever going to see ourselves rid of this addictive disease we call sin.  No, I do not mean giving all our money.  That would be inspiring but would not make us less evil.  I mean giving up 100% of our very characters, our very personalities, allowing God to enter and change the core of who we are.  This level of commitment to God effects the change we so desperately need.  It is when we allow Him to change our own desires, our thoughts, our motives, that we begin to see a different us emerge.  Giving money is easy.  Try giving who you are.

Ever seen a young child at play?  They throw themselves into the moment having fun without second thought, without hesitation.  The simplest of things become toys.  A stranger can immediately become a friend.  A child knows how to live better than all our wisdom, caution, and “pragmatism” has taught us.  They have absolute “faith” in their parents that no harm will come their way.  They know while on the playground that mom or dad is just over there, and will be at their side in a minute should a problem arise.  And what is more, they are correct.  But it does not change for us.  We have an infinite Father, our God-parent, our Creator, our Savior, who is just “over there” and will empty heaven itself to spare us pain or trouble.  His love is so deep that He commits 100% of Himself to you, just you.  He would die for you, to save you, and in fact, He did.  Our God is a 100% kind of God.

When we live that way, we learn what living is really ALL about.  We stop existing and start living.  We find meaning.  We know truth.  100% is not just a rare word.  It is a statement about who you are.  It is a yard stick from which you can measure the meaning in your own life, in your own legacy.  The recent pop song – “Live like you were dying” talks about going skydiving, offering forgiveness, loving deeper.  Why?  Because you realize your time on this planet is limited (in this case more severely than normal).  No.  It is living without fear, without hesitation.  100% kind of living.

Instead of grounds for commitment to the insane asylum, we should start looking at living 100% as the only way to avoid insanity.  Where it comes to giving to God, we need to lose the complacency of “some” and find the absolute thrill of 100%.  The risk, the high, the joy, give it all and watch.  Allow God to change the core of who you are and watch what emerges from the old shell of you.  100% is the only alternative that makes any sense to me …

Unanswered Questions ...

Ever had an itch you could not scratch?  Ever had a question you really needed an answer to, that you just could not seem to find?  One of the most perplexing questions that occupies the minds of men, is what is the will of God for their lives?  Having discovered the existence of the True God, having embraced His love, forgiveness, and witnessed the changes He brings in your character – inevitably the question is posed, what does God want from me?  What does He want me to do?  Where?  When?  How?  And the most perplexing issue associated with the posing of this question is the lack of an immediate, clear response.

Christians falsely assume that by embracing God, they will magically receive a master-plan from Heaven’s architecture room for them to follow for the remainder of their lives.  No path will ever be dark, no decision unclear.  The idea that you apply the principles found in the Bible and work out a real-time plan for the remainder of your life is not one based in practical reality.  You would think it would work out this way, but it seldom does.  There are those few who seem called to a particular role, but they appear to be the exception not the rule.  So what gives?  Why is it that the most fundamental question of how to serve God best can go unanswered for long periods of time?

Unfortunately, we are not always ready to hear the answers to the questions we ask.  Sometimes the answers might be unthinkable to us, we may be eager to serve, but unprepared for the service.  In these instances God needs more time with us, to help get us ready for what He may require of us later.  His tender mercy takes the time that we need, to get our minds, bodies, and hearts in order for our next level of service for Him.  The faith we are given, allows us to trust in God, and to know that our question will not always go unanswered – but must sometimes be delayed in response for our own good.

Another reason why our destinies do not seem to be laid out in front of us in full detail is the element of freedom of choice.  Quite simply it is possible to serve God in a number of ways.  Not everyone has to be a preacher, a teacher, a writer, or a prophet to serve the Lord.  Doctors, Lawyers, and Indian Chiefs can also serve the Lord in whatever profession we find ourselves in.  As stated before witnessing is more about helping other connect with the source of all good, than it is about convincing others to believe like you do.  In that sense, as others see the Lord working in you, they will be drawn to the source of the changes they see.  Frankly, the closer you get to God, the more others will want to know how you accomplished it – what is different in your life – these questions are the gateway to worship and witnessing.

Tradesmen, craftsmen, salesmen, and those who work in customer service have even more opportunity to reflect the character of God than most others.  People in these kinds of positions, who do an honest job, a thorough job, and maintain a humble loving attitude despite the arrogance, and often obnoxious customer response, plainly show the influence of God in their lives.  Customers are less likely to be rude to Doctors, Lawyers, and people in leadership positions, because they feel the need of these people more and usually only seek them out in times of trouble.  Those they commonly come across, they seem to have much less trouble sharing their displeasure with.  But those humble Christian workers who maintain their composure, and still perform to the best of their ability, are effectively ‘working’ for God without a formal commission.

While God may not choose to lay out a detailed plan for us to follow, He does not leave us completely ignorant as to His will.  The Bible outlines a fair number of principles we can follow to help us evaluate choices we come across to see if they fit within His will.  For instance, I could be a salesmen for soft drink company, or for a cigarette company.  The choice may be up to me.  At first glance the choice seems obvious.  Tobacco is addictive, and causes cancer.  To work as an agent in its sales seems like being directly responsible for spreading its pain.  But one could argue that soft drinks are equally responsible for the obesity disease infecting our youth.  The sugar contained in soft drinks may not have as immediate and devastating effect as the tobacco but over the long term could also be considered poison.  So what would Jesus do? 

Sometimes we confine ourselves to 2 obvious choices without looking beyond the immediate options and thinking outside the box.  Were we to limit ourselves to selling only things that were free of contaminants we would quickly find our career options completely blunted.  Even ‘organic’ foods may pose a health risk to smaller segment of the population.  Between the soda or the cigarettes, the soda seems less harmful.  But having demonstrated an interest in health issues and a passion on the topic, perhaps the soda company would consider using your skills to promote it’s bottled water line, or juice line, or athletic drinks?  Most companies have more than one product in their arsenal.  And isn’t it possible that even the cigarette company may also have a program to kick the habit, or equivalent educational materials they are required by law to produce on the dangers of smoking.  It may not be your first choice to work for a cigarette company, but there may also be positions they fund that actually do good works.  And sometimes cigarette companies have entirely other independent divisions that have nothing to do with tobacco.

The truth is, that no matter how ‘evil’ you feel a cigarette company may be, large corporations tend to have stock and holdings in one another to such a point that the lines become blurred between one entity and another.  Wealth in our society is centered at the tops of the pyramids, and abuse of workers at the bottom is a commonplace occurrence.  Trying to find a ‘good’ corporation is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.  Some corporations may be more blatantly good than others, but none are completely clean.  This does not mean that God would have us perpetually unemployed.  We can use Biblical principles to guide our choices, but those principles include doing our best, even when our employer is not the best of Christians.  Judging others for their positions, or employers, is never too good an idea.  In fact, judging others should be avoided period.

I worked for many years at defense contractor when I graduated college.  I supported my family this way.  I thought my position to be somewhat patriotic in nature; in that I was helping keep a company going that was strengthening the defense of my country.  Then war broke out.  I heard inside stories about the level of devastation some of the weapons we had built had caused.  Proud that we were more ‘accurate’ and causing less collateral damage, I spoke to a group of soldiers in an airport while traveling.  They had used one of our weapons systems and were very familiar with it.  And they relayed to me that they believed our weapons system delivery mechanism had given several of the men testicular cancer.  I immediately informed my co-workers and management of this report and was promptly ignored.  I later found out that our ‘accuracy’ had been overstated.  Now I understand that the CIA has direct control over drone planes with mounted weapons that can ‘assassinate’ high value targets almost anywhere.  Was I a patriot or an accomplice to murder?  Is killing our enemies OK, or is killing itself wrong?  Is killing still OK when we are only marginally sure of who our adversary is?  And how many might we have killed or wounded on our own side by lack of quality controls or standards (i.e. testicular cancer)?  Maybe the soldiers were mistaken, maybe they were not.  Was my small supporting role in a large corporation in some way responsible for all this damage?

I determined to serve the Lord better by looking for work in another kind of company.  I immediately thought of working in our local Christian hospital.  I had friends there.  It seemed like a natural fit to apply IT skills in a different environment.  But no.  Never has a pathway been so sealed up shut.  I could not get in at any level.  15 years later, and this door is still closed to me.  Hard to understand that God would not want me working in an area that seems to directly support His ethics – heal the sick, take care of the wounded, cure disease.  But this was not to be for me.  Instead I would hone my leadership skills in other IT companies.  My career would take me places I could not have imagined.  I would stay true to my principles, and would be fortunate (i.e. blessed) to work for honest men, who sought wealth not at the expense of others, but by aiding others.  Every company I have worked for since, shared my ethics.  This has been nothing short of the favor of the Lord.

But it remains an open question for me, and for many I know.  How best to serve the Lord next?  What more can I do for Him, who has done so much for me?  I don’t feel I have an answer for that question yet.  So I wait and watch and hope for one.  In the mean time, I try to serve Him now, and realize how pathetic I am at doing just that.  Perhaps the reason I do not receive my own answer, is that my attempts to serve God are so wholly inadequate there is not much I can for Him now, without damaging His name further in the eyes of others.  If so Lord, then continue your work of change within me.  I would normally ask He speed it up, but I think I’ll defer that one, and trust He knows best J …