This line of reasoning has led some to believe that it is
impossible if not impractical to always tell the truth. They posit that truth must always contain
room for variance given the situation or else many would be wounded by it. Here is the problem with this line of
thinking, the nature of evil is most insidious, and is actually hurting both
the person who lies, and the person who is lied to. The person telling the lie is learning a
lesson in so doing that expediency is better than
integrity. This seemingly innocent act
of trying to spare the feelings of another can easily translate into more
elaborate excuses to avoid any kind of confrontation, avoid making personal
mistakes, and finally to directly attempt to mislead others as to the actions
and motives we take. The path from
seemingly innocent lies to ‘necessary’ lies to outright deception is a short
one. The person learns quickly to become
a liar rather than face truth in any situation.
The judgment of ‘when’ a lie is called for, becomes clouded with what is
in our self-interest (the real root of all evil). And so, one lie leads to another, the complex
web we weave engulfs us, and we wind up breaking the trust of those we care
about or need the most in our lives.
Then too, the person whose feelings we were trying to spare
is actually hurt by our lies. If the
woman truly does look fat in that dress, others are going to notice it as
well. Do we really do her a favor by
lying, and allow her to be ridiculed by other women who will FAR less caring
than ourselves. If she is mocked by
others, won’t she come to find she cannot wear this dress anyway? And your assurances she looks fine will not
help her undo the hurt inflicted by others.
In this situation it would have been better to express
the truth in love. ALWAYS
to express truth in LOVE; without this method of delivery, truth becomes a
baseball bat we hit each other with. But
done in love, we could simply reach out to her, and let her know, this dress
does not make her look the best we know she can. The dress is not worthy of the beauty she
carries, and perhaps another color, material, cut, size, or style would be
better suited to her than this ‘off-the-rack’ piece she has selected for
trial. Obviously not every dress or
piece of clothing helps us look our best, which is why we try them on to see. And sometimes we gain or lose weight leaving the
excellent fit of a garment behind us. It
is OK to point this out in love.
The truth can also be used as a weapon and often this is why
the idea of little-white-lies seems preferable.
Instead of confronting the truth in love, people use truth to state the
obvious without ANY concern for how it will be interpreted. Instead of helping the girlfriend see that
the dress is the problem, we turn the tables and make the girlfriend the
problem – pointing out that she is just too fat for this dress. After all, her obesity endangers her
health. It is not very sexually
attractive. Fat people are discriminated
against by almost everyone in every situation.
They are ridiculed for lack of self-control when it comes to
eating. They tend not to get the
job. They tend not to get the
promotion. Their size is something they
face constant negativity about, and now we, the very ones they love and whose
opinion matters most to them – have joined the condemnatory crowd. Stating
the obvious benefits of ‘dropping 50 pounds’ sounds to us like we
are doing them a favor. After all that
is the truth. But the ‘truth’ we are
expressing lacks all compassion, does not offer a viable solution for the dress
they are trying on now, and they will have to wear something now – do we expect
them to look horrible until the 50 pounds are gone? This approach of clubbing them over the head
with a baseball bat of truth smacks of evil.
It is not the truth that is evil.
It is the delivery mechanism that is evil. In short it is our selfish motives, and lack
of concern for the feelings of another that is purely evil.
Constructive criticism is possible when there is a
foundation of love between the recipient and the delivery person. We can help our mom with the substandard pie
by several means – first by remembering this is only our opinion, perhaps
others would find a different result; next by offering to expand the recipe by
adding cinnamon or raisons, or removing the walnuts, adding a graham cracker
crust, putting some raspberry puree into the mix, you get the idea; and finally
by showing gratitude that mom cares enough to try to make something for our
enjoyment, even if the taste does not suit our palette. She is far less likely to be offended by the
truth when delivered in love. And longer
term, our relationship is strengthened because she knows when we do tell her we
enjoyed something – we really mean it.
The joy we share over something becomes even
more real when we do not have the slightest doubt that this is
simply a little white lie.
As for the man who is not the greatest lover in the world,
most men are keenly anxious to become one.
They are most of the time very willing to accept direction in this
endeavor. You do not need to tell them
exactly what to do or where to do it, but if you simply react strongly enough
in a positive manner to the things you like, trust me, the man will push that
button more often than a video game.
There are ways to improve the performance of your sexual expression
(remember this is our most intimate and vulnerable area of a relationship) that
only a committed partner is going to be able to do. It takes
great trust and knowledge of the love of another, to be able to
communicate effectively regarding this topic.
But once again, knowing there is a mutually GREAT sex life, is of more
value than gold to most men and women in the world.
There are other situations when the lesser of two evils
seems the only ‘good’ choice. For
example, better to hide Jews during the holocaust than to tell the truth and allow
the Nazi’s to find them, and kill them.
A lie told, better than to be an accomplice in a murder. Here again, these situations are posed
without a thought about the prelude, or what other options are available. Most of the lesser-of-two evil decisions are
posed as only option A or option B, there are no other choices, but this is
mistaken. Take our Nazi example, being
faced with this decision implies several things. We did little or nothing to stop the
situation from progressing to the point it has.
Were there protests against the Nazi’s back before they came to
power? When they announced their
policies, did we silently accept them,
or did we begin to actively oppose them?
If we wanted to avoid being faced with this choice perhaps we should
have left behind our worldly possessions, and moved away from Germany when the
Nazi’s first came to power. Or perhaps
we feel compelled to join the enemies of the German government and make war
against them. Or perhaps as Christians,
we feel compelled to help our Jewish brothers as much as possible, and be
willing to face their fate as our own as a result. The need for our own self-preservation is
what dominates our decisions in this entire process. We as Christians, should not feel this need
so keenly, as we know our existence is not confined simply to this world of
evil. We should be empowered to act
boldly for good. But most lack faith,
and prefer to go along with an evil government edict than stand against it and
suffer for truth.
Very often in lesser-of-two-evil situations there may be yet
another option that would extricate you from the situation you face. One REALLY big one that exists in every
situation, is prayer to our Creator God.
While we may lack the wisdom, strength, or ability to solve a problem –
God is not so confined. Calling on Him
to get us out of the problems we so often wander into, is a smart way to
resolve the situation. Many a miracle
has been performed that defied logic, and sometimes even physics, to extricate
a believer from an impossible situation.
Remember the 3 Hebrew captives taken to Babylon, and asked to bow to the
idol of the King Nebuchadnezzar or be thrown into the fiery furnace. They
stood for God, did not bow, and were willing to die to make the
point. They were in fact, thrown into
this furnace. They did NOT avoid their
fate from their decision. But God
intervened and they walked in the flames unhurt. Do we have the faith of the martyrs of old,
who were willing to die for their beliefs and their choice to serve God and
reject evil? This kind of faith takes
time to build. It too takes a
relationship to build. But there is
always another option to every problem we face.
It is possible to embrace a life of truth, if first we
embrace a life of love. If love governs
our every thought, motive, and action – then truth becomes our ally and our
lives are enriched as a result. Do not fear your
confrontations with the world, but approach them all in a humble spirit of love
and concern. Truth delivered in this
way, will have the greatest effect possible, and become the most enriching
experience we can have …
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