Comples Design ...

Ever tried to look for a villain that was just pure ‘evil’?  I’m a big fan of the ABC Television series titled “Lost”.  The central hero character is named Jack, his nemesis seems to be named Ben.  Jack is a surgeon who likes to help fix people.  Ben appears to be a self-centered ego-maniac who will do anything to “win”.  And one of Ben’s more famous lines in the show is … “we’re the good guys”.

Now it is fairly common for a good villain to state they are anything but.  Hitler fancied himself the “savior of Germany”, not the monster we all know him as.  The sad thing about Hitler’s assertion is that there are a number of facts that would support it.  After World War One Germany was crushed, and the world wanted punishment for the damage it went through fighting the first war.  Hitler’s popularity was in part, because he offered hope to the German people they could rise again – he rebuilt manufacturing, restored pride in a rebuilt massive military, and ended double-digit inflation by quickly winning smaller conquests that re-enriched the country.  Nationalizing Jewish wealth put a dent the in the deficit, and the German people had a reason to follow him (at least before he revealed his truly darker nature).

On the show “Lost”, you could debate whether Ben is truly a good guy.  He has done some seemingly bad things, but he seems to select only the bad people to do them to.  He makes a distinction between innocents and the more guilty folks of his world.  When Satan came to Christ to tempt Him, he did not come as himself.  Satan came as an Angel of light.  He offered advice and counsel designed to have the Creator step outside of the will of God, or simply use some the inherent power of God within Himself to solve an immediate problem.  Satan is truly the definition of pure evil at this point.  He has degraded himself from being the fourth highest entity in the universe, to a picture of the anti-God.  All the good that embodies God has its counterpart, its opposite, defined in the being of Satan.

But humans are a very different story.  Mortality puts a term limit on our choices.  Aging forces us to look at situations from an ever changing view point.  And the objective standard of Good and Evil (our Bibles), reveal our nature, our intentions, and our motives – within the actions we do and the ones we omit.  Each human has the immense capability to become the world’s next “savior of Germany” or the “monster” that followed.  We could learn to inspire hope in ourselves and in others; or we can default into non-sensible prejudice and hatred, blaming a few for the deeds of the many.  Hitler rebuilt a thing, then destroyed not only the thing he built, but everything else he touched.  Millions died because he made the choices he did.

Some ask if it was genetic.  Some wonder if in his childhood he was beaten or so injured he simply could not recover and took out his frustrations on those he blamed for his suffering.  Some wonder if perhaps he was possessed.  It is an interesting question.  After all pure-evil would benefit the most from the totality of Hitler’s actions and life.  If not possessed then at least a close ally in the war on God.  To kill as many of God’s creations as possible is the goal of the real underworld.  In this Hitler was a willing pawn.  What he did not kill in war, he murdered in camps.  And morality was Germany’s first casualty of war.  Has it been our first casualty as well, in our own war on terror?

Most people do not want to accept that within them lies the potential to become the world’s next Hitler.  But for a quick moment, close your eyes and bring to mind your most favorite or most often thought about fantasy?  What is it you “wish” could happen?  If you could control everything what would you do?  Would there be limits to the power you would seek, if the only limits were self-imposed?  Where would your seemingly innocent fantasies end up if they were unrestrained by circumstances, finances, external laws or views of morality.  Hitler ran amuck, because he could.  He was the central power base.  His charisma, influence, and history of early accomplishments made him formidable.  He was hard to oppose and live.

But as hard as it might be to accept the idea that within each of us lies the potential for great calamity, the opposite is also true.  What if instead of coming to power and prominence, Hitler chose to spend his life as a humble painter?  What if he had lived within the restraints that bind most of us?  The ripple effects are tremendous aren’t they? 

First of all, there may not have ever been a second world war (though Japan and Italy may still have gone ahead with it).  Even so 6 million Jews would still have been alive, as well as 6 million Gypsies, and 20 million Russians.  No European allied casualties of any kind.  This means the American war machine might never have really been started.  No nukes; no women working in factories to replace the men who went to war; no black army air force pilots from Tuskegee; no CIA (a derivative of a WW2 based intelligence product); possibly the continuation of the depression.  At a minimum the societal impacts would have been the slowing down of the women’s equality movement as well as the black civil rights movements.  It is mind boggling to imagine what our world and our nation might look like had we never gone to war in WW2 with Germany (at the least).

So what makes people become who they are?  If in each of us lays Hitler or Mother Teresa, which is the one we choose to become?  The honest answer is I don’t really know for sure.  I am amazed at the potential myself.  I am amazed that where it comes to humans, they are ALWAYS a mix of both good and evil.  While good or evil may present itself as dominant during our lives, the effects are not guaranteed to last, either way.  The Old Testament has many stories of Kings of Israel who were faithful in their youth, and fully corrupt at their deaths and vice versa.  People can change over time for better or worse.  So in either case the dominance of evil or good is a struggle.  It is weird to me that killers can love; nasty, vulgar, disgusting women can be caring, doting, mothers; and all of this within the same person, the same identity.  How we swing the emotional and moral pendulum back and forth so far in so short a period of time is a wonder.

But I believe that our heredity inclines us to evil as our natural state of being.  And I believe that evil is an all consuming entity that leaves nothing out, and corrupts fully.  This is the condition that God set about to undo on our behalf.  This is a state of being He never intended for us to suffer from.  Evil may be natural to us, but it is foreign to the universe as a whole.  Evil, being contained to this world alone, will be short lived by infinity’s standards.  However our disease of evil was not something we were meant to endure and thus a plan was devised to save us.  Salvation is about ending the evil in our lives, our hearts, our minds, and our hands.  Salvation is about restoring purity in our lives, and bringing us back into harmony with the purity of our God.  Salvation is not eternal life, or golden streets, or flying at the speed of thought.  That is simply the natural state of being we were intended to live as.

We were intended to live without restrictions as our natural state was intended to live as good not evil.  Free to love, free to serve, free to learn, free from bondage to self and self-interests, free from everything evil – that is what Salvation is all about.  Immortality can only support those who choose this purity, by accepting the gift God has offered us.  Our perfection of character is the work we pursue now with absolute glee, not reluctance.  Learning to surrender to God, to accept His plan, to embrace His will, and to return His love – these are the pursuits of the saved.  Salvation brings with it an ever increasing distance from evil.  Salvation brings with it Hope, where all human strength has long abandoned hope.  Salvation is not from the conditions of this life that we find ourselves submerged within, but it frees us from the state of being we are naturally inclined to pursue.  We can learn to live in purity wherever we are, wherever we find ourselves, in whatever conditions the world sends our way.  This is the GIFT of Salvation God has set about to bring to each of us.  All we have to do is accept.  It’s just that easy.

While the soul and the character may have been created with an immensely complex design, the answer to every question has been made infinitely simple – Do we want what God offers or not …

Character ...

Ever heard the phrase “a test of character”?  We tend to associate the word “character” in this reference with all the admirable traits we aspire to.  The “test” is something that reveals our truer nature and shows what kind of “character” that “we are made of”.  Given the political storm that surrounds the last 2 weeks of the campaign for President, we are inundated with a barrage of TV commercials that question the other guy’s character.  Whether the inference comes from words like “erratic, intemperate, lacking judgment, or good old flip-flopping”; we are forced to listen to inferences that demean what would otherwise be considered a national hero (both qualify).  Our best and our brightest hope for new leadership decline into a pit of name calling, while at the same time saying, trust only me.  The paradox is poignant.

So what do all the TV ads say about our 2 potential leaders?  Early on in the campaign, even before the primaries had been decided the talk was so much more positive in nature.  The main message then was that “my program is best for everyone”.  The only common enemy was the current administration.  Then as the candidates began dropping out, and the finalists emerged in both parties, the language gets more terse, less positive, more accusatory.  Down to only the main 2 candidates, and the last 2 weeks, the barrage on the TV is now almost constant.  What happened to all that initial positive language, and commitments in public to remain so?  Can any candidate survive attack ads by their opponent while only running positive message ads about themselves?  Does an eye-for-an-eye thinking rule the TV airwaves?  If so, is this the character of our future leaders on display when they really really want something; in this case, the office of President?

I guess the “testing” is needed to ferret out real values from empty promises.  The words spoken by both of the candidates early on sounded good to our ears.  The promise they made to run a positive campaign that would not stoop to the attacks of the past made perfect sense, and was a long awaited welcome sign.  Those words are now forsaken; the promise of peace, replaced by the reality of political war (even if the war is of words).  The eloquent speaker is not immune.  The die-hard straight talking maverick does not seem to mind miring in the dirt either.  Both are pursuing a goal they believe requires using these tactics to achieve.  Both are wrong.  Neither would admit it, or become the bigger man.  Both have seen the nice-guy-finish-last before.

Now take all this under consideration for a bit, and add to it the old wives tale expression – the only thing you take to Heaven is your character.  Seems to me, a character that abandons commitments of peace to attain what it really wants, is not the kind you want to see in Heaven.  Does this mean neither man can go?  NO!!!!   I am simply pointing out the obvious, the “character” we aspire to, is not the “character” we have.  When was the last time you personally took the quicker, easier way to get something you wanted, rather than risk the rough road of hard work and possible failure of maintaining the highest standards of ethics?  Politicians merely reflect our society at large, they are products of it.  They do in their campaigns, what you have done your entire life – whatever is necessary to achieve your end goals.

No I am not saying that you are a cheater, liar, or thief – nor am I saying that the pursuit of life goals does not require sacrifice, or is in some way inherently bad.  But to say you are not a cheater, does not mean you have NEVER cheated in your life.  It may have been rare, maybe only once you can remember, maybe something small that everyone does, or nobody cares about, but you know what you did.  Having said you are not a liar, does not mean you have NEVER lied.  You get the idea.  Our 2 future leader prospects are just like you in that sense, they actually did follow through on their commitments for a while. They are not bad people, or criminals, or perpetual liars.  But in a time of extreme testing they failed.  They did what they knew to be wrong, to achieve what they believed would justify the momentary lapse of judgment.

So what kind of “character” do we really have anyway?  Is there anyone of honor, anyone you can respect, who deserves the role of leader?  Yes, there is one, but He does not live here anymore.  One of the most remarkable characteristics about our Lord Jesus Christ, is the inability of any skeptic to tarnish his message, his words, or his actions.  Even those who do not believe in miracles, the Bible, or anything of a spiritual nature – can read the story of Christ and be amazed at His teachings.  Christ had character.  It endured all things.  All the way to His earthly grave and death, Christ did not betray His values, His mission, His character.  Those around Him were not so favored.  One betrayed Him directly to His enemies and committed suicide after being at His side for 3 years.  Another denied even knowing Him; mind you the denial was not that he accepted the teachings, divinity, or mission of Christ, merely that he might have known Him – and he did it 3 times during the ordeal of that night.  Those closest to Him; after time at His side, hearing His words, feeling His embrace, witnessing His miracles, even performing miracles in His name, could not pass a simple test of character.  They scattered like sheep into the night and hid themselves in shame (until He came for them).

No other purported God has spoken the words, or lived the life of Christ.  No other purported deity can show how they passed the “test” of character.  No other competition for worship and admiration ever dared to die for those they loved.  Mohammed did not.  Buddha did not.  Confucius did not.  Even Moses did not lay down his life for his people.  Only one true God could define what true character was.  It was, and it is, Love.

Part of the problem Christians have, and another reason why God takes a ding in His image, is that we as a group buy-in to the “character” line of thinking.  We somehow forget that our natural state is carnal, and believe that somewhere deep within himself man is capable and inclined to do good, not evil.  We delude ourselves into thinking that good and evil are a mere choice we have to make.  We ridicule those caught in the acts of evil, while all the time hiding our own misdeeds.  The hypocrisy smells up the world, and non believers are not stupid enough to be fooled by it. 

I remember when then President Clinton was being put through the ringer for an illicit relationship that had nothing to do with his political leadership in any way.  He did wrong.  And he was publicly put through extreme humiliation for acts done in private, where the damage would have otherwise been contained to the families involved.  But his Christian accusers, the Republicans so bent on holding him to the highest of standards, and so insulted that he might lie about infidelity, were to a man involved in their own similar sets of illicit affairs.  No accuser was guiltless.  The only question was ever one of timing.  And most were guilty at the time of their accusations.  Hypocrisy.

Christians would do better to recognize there is NO natural goodness in any of them.  The ONLY goodness ever found in the words, or deeds of men, comes directly through the grace of our Lord.  Blessings poured out on just and the unjust, the believer, and the non-believer.  It is a bit ironic but this means that every good word or deed you have ever done has only been through, inspired by, the grace of our Lord.  Your natural tendency would have been to do evil in every circumstance.  It also means the good that Mohammed did, the good that Buddha did, the good that Moses did, all came from the same source – the one true source of goodness and love.  The natural state of evolution is in decline, not in elevation.

Men argue this point, stating that so many things have improved over the years, our technology, our medicine, our knowledge; but never argued is an ever improving state of our morals.  Drug addiction is worse than ever worldwide, crime more violent and horrific and is ever spiraling up, and bad times tend to exacerbate both these conditions.  Indeed “testing” points out the truer nature and character of man.  There is no natural goodness in us.  Once we accept this, we can begin again to seek goodness from its source.  We can avoid the distractions and illusions of self-fulfillment and focus on the only source we can find it in.  As we define love, and self-less-ness, we find what real character is.  And as we learn to trust Him, “testing” does not have the same ruinous effect as before.  Slowly but surely, we are tried in a fire, and emerge as pure gold.  This is the promise of our God.  This is the good news we should seek …

As It Was ...

In today’s discussion, we are going to address logical possibilities, not definitive facts.  There are a few theories about our early past that might offer some explanations or alternate ideas to the traditional scientific theories we have come to accept about what our world was like before history had a good written record.

As Adam and Eve left their Garden-of-Eden home, they took up residence nearby.  An Angel was left to guard the gate of the garden to insure no human from then on would gain access to the tree-of-life.  Evil could not be allowed to be perpetuated forever (as we have already discussed).  Having been created in perfection, and having eaten regularly from the tree of life, they would wind up living extraordinarily long lives before dying of old age.  There was significantly less pollution in their day, and in their case, no genetic corruption of any kind.  Thus dying of a disease would be unlikely to our early ancestors.  It is thought Adam (being created superior to the animals) was physically dominant as well.  Estimations place his weight at 1200+ pounds and his height at around 15 feet tall, Eve at 14 feet.  Therefore even though animals became divided into 2 groups – vegetarians and carnivores – at least for a while, they would fear man and be less likely to pose a threat.  As a result our first parents would live over 900 years before seeing death.

A question is raised how did Adam and Eve wind up populating the earth?  It is fairly obvious that living for over 900 years without significant health issues would allow for producing a number of offspring.  But it also means that at least the first generation of progeny would wind up ‘marrying’ each other.  The second generation would be effectively cousins who marry, the third generation a bit more diverse in the genetic code.  The reason man did not immediately degenerate was likely due to the original purity of our first parents.  Should this model be tried to today the level of birth defects from inbreeding would be catastrophic.

Adam and Eve used all the 100% capability of their brains, as opposed to our ever declining 6-8% usage.  We sometimes like to think that we are highly evolved, and therefore capable of creating machines, and understanding science far more than anyone in our past – but if our early ancestors used 100% of their brains, how much better might they have understood concepts like perhaps, nuclear energy, DNA, mathematics, and physics.  With memories that do not forget what they are imprinted with using ALL their senses, and IQ’s probably 9-10 times as high as our genius of today – do we really think they were pigeonholed into covered wagons, tents, and simple farming to survive?  Then too consider the ease of access to raw materials.  Gold, silver, diamonds, jewels of every variety were laying around the place – part of the simple decorations, God used to decorate our ornate planet during creation.  With access to these things, how hard would it have been for man to develop relatively sophisticated tools and processes to aid him in his day-to-day endeavors?  In addition, information could be transferred easily through simple conversation, as memories would not easily diminish, and conversations took place in a singular language.

The earth at that time was created perfectly.  It did not display the horrific damage it would incur as a result of a coming world-wide-flood.  The continents were not divided but were together.  They had not been ripped apart due to the absolute trauma inflicted on our world during the flood.  There were no significant deserts, or jagged mountain ranges yet.  The tectonic plates of our world had been crushed together yet by the weight and force of the water that would come.  There were no oceans at the time, and no salt water.  No artic regions of massive ice used to help dry up the water afterwards.  There were no seasons, no 23 degree wobble in our rotation around the sun.  Weather patterns did not really exist, as the ground was watered every day with dew.  Rain was unknown.  And these conditions prevailed for the better part of 2000 years before the flood would come.  No wonder people thought Noah was completely insane.  During this period of time, man began to slowly shrink, both in physical and mental stature as well as in declining age, but this decline was slow, before the catastrophic effects of the flood.  As punishment for his deeds, Satan would be forced to be present on our world during the flood.  He would fear for his very existence at the fury God would unleash.

The cancer of evil however did not move slowly through the populous.  The story of the first two sons of Adam relay how jealousy and anger can quickly lead to murder.  Despite the continued physical presence of God, directly talking with our early ancestors, they were still capable of embracing evil.  And embrace they did.  By the time Noah arrives on the scene, the followers of God (those who did as He asked, tried to be reconciled with Him, and awaited the promised hope of a Messiah) were down to a single family blood line.  And here is where it gets interesting in terms of possible theories.

Fast-forward through scripture 2000 more years into the time of Christ on earth.  He is asked a question regarding ‘signs’ of his second coming to which He responds … “As it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the last days.”  He goes on to describe the moral bankruptcy of the people who lived before the flood, their complacency, and their failure to recognize their impending doom until it was too late.  Fast-forward another 2000 years until our day in age, and we all believe we are living in those ‘last days’.  So then doesn’t it stand to reason, that how we live in the world today is much like it was back then with Noah – as Christ stated.  And what is our latest fascination in the scientific world of discovery; could that be the mapping of DNA, and our early foray into genetic manipulation?  We’re not too far along into our research so far, and purportedly our goals have the best intentions.  But what if the people of Noah’s day had mastered what we are just discovering?  What if they learned how to completely remap DNA and started blending species?

Have you ever looked at some of the dinosaur bones that have been unearthed?  If you blended an elephant and a giraffe could you perhaps wind up with a large gray vegetarian with an unusually long neck, thick body, and extended tail?  What if you blended a man with an ape (you know to generate an entirely new class of servants to work for you), might they look like cave-men?  How about mythical creatures like say a Minotaur, Centaur, or other combination of man and beast.  Sound crazy.  You bet.  But there a few nagging questions regarding the traditional view of dinosaur origins such as: 1.) Why are there so few discoveries made?  Seems as though most animals would stick together in herds, etc. and the discovery of one set of bones would lead to many more.  2.) Where are the middle step creatures?  You know the ones I am referring to, the step between ameba and reptile, the step between reptile and mammal, the step between ape and cave-man, the step between cave-man and man.  Natural evolution would have yielded significant numbers of every kind of creature buried in sequence (oldest being the deepest).  Yet there are few or no discoveries made here at all.  3.) If dinosaurs had been created by God, they would have been preserved in the ark along with the rest of his creations.  However, if they were the product of man’s arrogant attempts to play at being God, they would have perished with him.  All logical theories that might infer that man had been the author of these forms of genetic manipulation – all of them purged during the flood, along with the technology to recreate them, until today.

As far as the level of evil in the world, back then with Noah it had gotten so bad that “God repented that He had made man.”  Ouch.  We were SO evil, God was sorry He had created us.  Does it look that way today in your eyes?  Has the evil of our generation reached that level yet?  But then one of the greatest scriptures ever penned was written … “But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.”  In short, God had mercy on Noah (an imperfect man who liked to drink quite a bit).  Noah did something unheard of in his world, he trusted God, listened to God, and did what God asked him to.  All of this in spite of the daily ridicule during 120 years of preaching to those who mocked him.  Noah preached and no-one was saved; no-one but his family.  I wonder how many preachers in today’s world would ignore global ridicule, and continue preaching, without a single convert to show for their efforts?

There was one notable exception to the evil that existed in the world of that day.  His name was Enoch.  He lived a total 365 years before he was taken off our world without seeing death.  He was translated to heaven to be with God.  Think carefully about what this means, in spite of the fact that the rest of the world was so heavily engrossed in evil that it made God sorry He made us – Enoch was being reconciled to God so closely he was able to simply be taken directly to heaven.  In order for Enoch to be safe to be in heaven, he would have had to abandon all evil in his life.  This proves the immediacy of the gift of Salvation to us.  We are able to be so completely saved from evil, we can develop a relationship with God as close as Enoch.  In a time like ours, as it was back then, there is hope beyond our wildest imagination of what God can do in our lives …

At World's End ...

The 2 scariest words in the English language I find are “unholy still”.  The full quote is “let him who is unholy be unholy still.”  These words are uttered by our Savior at world’s end.  The text reveals that evil has a time limit.  It is on a schedule for termination, and those who embrace it will go down with it.  Considering that at this moment in time I am “unholy”, then am I doomed to be “unholy still”?  And more to the point, when will the day arrive that I can join the group who will remain “holy” through these last events?

Christians fear the time of the end for their physical safety.  They worry about persecution.  Perhaps those fears are more legitimate now that even our country seems to have embraced torture as an acceptable form of questioning.  But forgetting the merely mundane issues that surround our physical well being, what of our spiritual condition at the end of all things?  The thought of being categorized as ‘holy’ seems foreign to my thinking.  I can see myself as forgiven.  I can see myself as saved by grace; but sinless?  Could I stand before the throne of God without an intercessor?

In the Old Testament Sanctuary model, the priest acted as the intercessor for the children of Israel.  He went before the Ark of God to plead for forgiveness for the sins of the people.  In the Heavenly Sanctuary, Christ is our High Priest and fulfills this role.  He pleads before the throne of God for His people, those who have embraced Him and accepted love over evil.  But there will come a time, when Christ leaves off His work of acting as our defense attorney.  He will come back to claim us.  At this time, He declares those telling words … “let he who is holy, be holy still and let he who is unholy be unholy still.”  There is finality in those words.  There is an absolute in those words.

He did not say let he who is forgiven, remain forgiven.  The word was “holy”.  Holy implies that actions and words are free of all evil, of all the influences of sin.  Motives, thoughts, and actions in harmony with the government of Heaven – this is what it means to be holy.  Our world is the exact opposite of Heaven.  And in general we have lived lives reflecting the world around us.  The transforming power of God appears to be on a schedule for us.  Perhaps this is why so few are thought to “live’ through the end days.  Many will be ‘put to sleep’ to await the coming King.  This is considered a kindness by God, not a punishment.  There will come a time when to live is considerably harder than to sleep in death.

But fear of death pales in comparison to fear of permanent imperfection.  To have found yourself to be a goat, not a sheep – to be lost, not saved – to be unholy, not holy – and to live through the entire experience.  The thought is terrifying.  This is the time of Jacob’s trouble.  Jacob’s great lament on his return to see his brother Esau was not just his fear of dying.  It was a deeper fear that he had not really changed, that he was simply older, not different.  Jacob fled from Esau a petty selfish thief. 

Was he returning a genuinely different man in the core of his soul, or was he simply older?  He wrestled Christ thinking it his brother throughout the night; the blessing he craved at daylight was more a confirmation that he was really different than anything else.  Jacob was not asking for money, he had that.  He was not asking for women, kids, or love – he had all of that.  He was not even really asking for God’s favor, he had that.  He just wanted to know, he was not the same man he used to be.  And God heard him, and spared him, and blessed him – confirming the change.

Out time is coming if it is not already here.  We face world’s end where evil rules, and too often has ruled within us.  Are we really different?  Have we allowed God to really change us?  Or are we simply acting a good game.  There are only 2 choices, only 2 conditions, only 2 results.  There is no multiple choice.  There is no do-over.  There is no ‘third’ chance.  It comes down to “holy” or “unholy” – still.

To be sealed in the kingdom of God is a goal of no small achievement.  To be one of the 144,000 special souls who witness the end of days.  It matters not whether this number is literal or figurative.  It matters not how the last 10 plagues fall upon the earth.  It matters not how many die, or even if we are among them.  But to be uncertain is to live in horror.  To find yourself “unholy”, does not prevent persecution, of body or of mind.  The ultimate test of faith comes upon us.  Is the salvation or our God real?  Is His transforming power in our character real?  Has it worked?  Are we holy or simply deluding ourselves?  This is the last great trial we face.  To put our money where our mouth is. 

It is not our God we doubt, but our history.  We know so well the extent of evil that has lived within each of us.  Are we finally free of it?  How can one so evil as I be truly changed.  Most times in life when sin is not being committed, it is being planned.  Lack of opportunity to commit sin is not the same as being free from it.  Will we find ourselves not committing sin by mere denial of circumstance? 

This agony was experienced once before in our world in Gethsemane.  Would His sacrifice be enough?  The weight of sin was upon His soldiers.  One who never knew sin, now had to bare its entire weight.  How disgusting the burden of evil.  How overwhelming the extent of it.  Could He be reconciled to His Father after having borne its burden?  Perhaps the stain of sin would prevent Him from ever being in the presence of His Father again – eternal separation – effectively hell.  This agony nearly overwhelmed Christ.  We are destined to share this experience.

Knowing how evil we have been, can we ever come to know ourselves in the context of the absence of sin?  Forgiven is something we understand, but reformed?  And more to the point, can we even conceive of ourselves as “holy”.  The alternative is even more fearful.  I can imagine a perfect God.  I can imagine Love big enough to come to die for me and save me.  But can I imagine me different than my past? 

We do not need the physical presence of the antichrist in our world to begin to experience the time of Jacob’s Trouble.  We know what is possible today.  We know what could be done in us, if we allowed.  Has time already passed us by?  Are we in the sorting phase, or past it?  The thing I fear most in this world is me.  I fear my selfishness.  I fear my judgment.  I fear my arrogance, in thinking I might trust my own wisdom, rather than follow His word.  In so doing am I preventing Him from truly changing me?  It drives me back to my knees.  I plead with God to kill the ‘self’ that fights to reign in me.  All of this only points me back to the desperate need of a savior.  Save me.  Change me.  Find a way to force me into the “holy” group.  Ignore my refusals.  Over-ride my stubbornness.  Undo my stupidity.  Push me,  Pull me.  Drag me kicking and screaming.  Just do not let me away from Your side.  Hold me fast Oh Lord, for without my savior, I am dead already…